suddenly i am here.

i have been feeling like this for 2 days now, this "suddenly i am here" feeling stands out on its own, when i look at the ceiling it feels like i have never left.

how strange.

yesterday we went to a castle ruin and it was one of those places that gives you sublime. if i were a painter (and it wasn't that windy) i would have chosen to sit there all day to paint. luckily camera has been invented. once again i realised how little guts i had, by feeling my legs wobble walking down the hill (or highland). we had a picnic by the sea. the sun was a bit too bright. i am considered a picky person. it was funny to see the cows lazying by the sea looking completely relaxed. the world did not bother them at all, for a particular moment i could believe that they were the happiest animals alive.

and for a particular moment i could believe that i was the happiest animal alive. ah, i am starting to feel paranoid again. i am overwhlemed by a certain something.

by the way, i saw shutter island last night. the positive effects of imaginative talking result in a movie like big fish, in which an ordinary life is made extraordinary in a good way, and as long as it does not bother people it seems totally ok. but it can also go as wrong as it does in shutter island, it is basically exhausting. i wonder how often we lie to ourselves just so life can feel be a bit easier. i am supposed to be locked up as well, i have filled my brain with maybe too much wishful thinking.

leonardo dicaprio seems to be really into making movies that talk about how reality is merely a perception, that the objective world does not matter, and that at the end of the day only our subjective self counts the most out of this thing called life. they all have a thing regarding the movies they make, like brad pitt is obviously into the idea of time and time travelling.