and the most precious thing lost is time.

i am not sure if my English is good enough to explain this. it has been on my mind all day - the many faces of justice that i have come to know. i don't think i like what i know. it happens to be the opposite of what i have always believed in. the old me would have said for sure that justice had only one face, and that there were certain meaningful ways to justify actions and thoughts, and it was easy to tell what was right and what was not.

but my world is no longer blessed with simplicity.

i watched all things happen in silence. i knew from the very beginning how it would go. i kept quiet. i tried my best to be an outsider. i kind of succeeded. first i observed how one human being took advantages of another, and then i became a witness of the consequences of a series of matters, the whole process involved certain power and control, constant backstabbing, tons of lies and marvelous performances.

to a certain extent it was like a game, pokers maybe. the cards changed according to time and thus according to luck. the matter of timing was really precise the whole time.

some months ago i cried for some french fries i could not have. it was stupid, maybe. but the french fries meant for me my dignity. what happened today isn't even about me. but i feel for it. with all kinds of feelings it hits me. no one is justly treated and nothing is truly justified. i honestly think that everybody loses, and the most precious thing lost is time, which equals life. although some might have found fun in it.

and now i understand humanity a little better.

the dog-bear

every morning when i walk downhill to the minibus stop i almost always run into a dog which looks like a polar bear. it is so fluffy, all white and insanely cute. in the past 13 years i have secretly (or openly) thought that sasa is the prettiest dog in the world. i still think she is. but then this dog-bear is so cute that i can't help but smile whenever i see it.

isn't it magical that there is something so lovely in life. it doesn't have to do anything. it amuses me simply by existing.

most of the people or things i love are like that. i just have to see them, and then i am happy.

i have been reading (or trying to read... there is so much that i want to read i don't know where to start, so i end up reading a bit here and a bit there, and that's, of course, not very effective.) 4-Hour Work Week. my desire to design my own life style is growing stronger each day. i don't want to work my life around my job. i want my job to fulfill my life style.

i have been observing myself at work.

what i like about my job: writing, editing, proofreading and translating.
what i don't like about my job: things that stop me from writing, editing, proofreading and translating.

i think that makes so much sense. at first i thought everyone of us had to compromise a bit so we could do what we like to do. but that is a silly thought.

if i can't spend enough time on the tasks i am hired for, there is something wrong.