the little girl in me

has been crying
yelling and screaming
jerking her hair, hitting the ground
throwing fists saying
she wants her healthy self back.

this big girl (on the outside) is trying to remain calm
convincing herself that she can't still be sick
maybe the jet lag will cure it -
i beg you dr. chan.

my body has not been so weak in a long time.
i am about to cry, seriously, thinking of myself on that long flight
after flight after flight. :'(

i just want to see my love. that's all.
i don't want to begin asking why he has to be that far
because it is my choice. (or is it not?)
how do you choose (do you ever choose) who you want to fall in love with?

sometimes i think about how we first met and
i get this strange feeling inside me.
i never thought i were to come this far.

how much farther can i go?

but it is easier being with him
because it takes so little of him to make me happy.

i don't want to be in the kind of relationship in which one of us has to work so hard to keep the other party satisfied - relationships like that wear people out.

it may look like i don't have much now, and nothing i have is promising.
but the only thing that matters is how i feel, i basically feel like i have everything - i am making moments i will spend my whole life being happy for.

i can't wait to see him.