2011年6月28日 星期二

i have not always been like this.

in my teenage years i used to be mean, self-centered, arrogant and all about me. i was a bit heartless, cold and far from sweet. i walked around with a mind too set, i was determined in believing that if a person did a certain something he/she must be a particular kind of person, and that if a person did a certain something it would only be for one reason. i constructed for myself a world of black and white and thought i knew enough things to go around and judge.

i was spoiled and taking everyone and everything for granted most of the time, until one year my mom got sick and my whole world fell apart. it was on the edge of losing someone extremely special and important that i looked at myself for real for the first time and realised that i needed to change. and then i have worked all the way to how i am now. it's not like i am perfect. but i am fully aware of my flaws, i have kept the habit of reflection and i know how important it is to be constantly fighting my vices. i know that whatever we know, our knowledge is still too limited.

it is easy to be critical, and even easier to criticise. it is too, easy to make fun of people, calling them names and picking on them. one of the easiest ways to humiliate a person is to openly ignore him/her, to not respond at all to his/her questions or pretend that he/she does not exist. ahhh it is all too easy. if you thought those were all but teenage games, you were wrong. some people have never managed to get rid of that nosy noisy lofty teenager.

sometimes i can't help but be mean still. we are all a bit evil at times. no one is going to be perfect, but it is important that we know it when we are being mean. i cannot quite take it when people walk around thinking they are being good and doing good things while they are absolutely being bad and doing bad things to others.

"yeah, i am a freak. but you know what? someday, i might just grow out of that... but you, you will never stop being a jerk." - princess diaries

2011年6月27日 星期一

a little smile climbs its way onto my face

everytime i think of him.

at times i feel myself stupid,
or silly. but i am just a girl in love.
people do all kinds of things for love.
as for me, i sit and wish and wait.
i know him. he knows me.
i love us.

i love the way we are, i love how we happened
and the fact that we are still happening.

when i am happy i really can't write.
i can't wait to see him!

2011年6月25日 星期六

every boy misses a girl in midsummer.

i have liked a song titled "midnight sun" for a long time, but i never realised what it meant until today. in the northern europe the sun does not set until midnight, and there you get the midnight sun! i am amazed and i am looking forward to see that midnight sun!

so it was the midsummer festival in the northern europe approx. 2 days ago. i wonder why all those romantic thingys happen so far away! hongkong is boring! we don't have festivals that we can dance and sing to the bonfires. this is the one thing that i really want to do in a native american kind of way. i am growing my hair long and i will grow it all the way down to my rib, and then i will braid parts of it into a headband sort of way... etc. i suck at describing hairstyles.

well, i just realised that my hair is actually good for braiding now!

how boring is it to read a blog entry on hairdos? but a girl has to pay attention to that every once in a hour, this girl happens to have spent a long while walking around in uncombed hair. actually, my colleagues kept coming around to ask if i was ok like every other day, and one day i finally asked why they had to come ask me that question a little too often, and they said it was due to my messy hair.

yesterday i saw a big white bird being choked by some tree branches through the bus window, and no one was paying attention to it. so i jumped off the bus at the next stop and ran to it. it was like a 2-3 minutes run but when i arrived i saw that it was gone. actually it looked like nothing was happening and there was no trace to show that a big white bird had been struggling.

what a strange incident.

2011年6月24日 星期五

the working girl survival notes

i have been wanting to write this for a long time. i have been all sorts of small potato in the past 2 years and during this period of time i have gathered some skills.

1. be nice and polite, especially to the mean people. the meaner they are, the more nice and polite you should be. it freaks them out.
2. apologise for mistakes you make, your teammates make, or those your boss makes, you are all in it together anyways. don't play the blame game.
3. talk loud, firm and clear, don't go "ehhh... er... ummm..." all the time, it gives people space to force things on you or put words into your mouth.
4. make enough eye contacts with people, look them in the eye when you speak, so they don't overlook you easily.
5. try to look good. it's non-sense thinking people don't judge a book by its cover. a science textbook states itself clearly on its cover! give yourself a cover that fits the context, it makes more sense than expecting people to not judge you by your cover.
6. keep in mind that respect is a hard-earned thing.
7. try not to whine, if you have to whine, try not to whine out loud.
8. don't take the office worries home, don't let work overwhelm your life.
9. do more, talk less, but listen up, be as updated as your surroundings.
10. always proofread, even if it slows you down. do not over-trust MS office.
11. it is important to multi-task. make a to do list, list out everything you need to do, and do the small tasks first, rather than getting stuck in a time-consuming task.
12. *sigh* this one is difficult, but be punctual.

that's it for today! bet everyone is having a friday night out, while i have work tomorrow and can't stay up late. anyways! positive things happen to positive people! happy go lucky! i ain't going to worry.

2011年6月23日 星期四

i am in love with a song.

"Hey Princess, you're the only one"


popsicle is magical! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D!


if i am not trapped in the office i would surly go singing and dancing to this song on my rooftop (or in my room.)

days are not particularly good or bad. i keep working on silly little things, like drawing without skills, and kissing an envelope. i am too absorbed in my own small world lately. but this is how life becomes meaningful. everyday i feel like i have lived.


few days ago i thought i was out of love again, but then i fell back in there. i am starting to think that we are sort of meant for each other. i don't know who would want a relationship like this, no seeing, no touching, no talking for days, sometimes it feels like it is nearly nothing. but then the magic is always there, and the magical thing is that it does not take much for the magic to work its way to us. i have to be very much in love with him to be in something like this, and i guess i am. my heart is flowery and i love eye candies, but he seems to be the only one who really holds my attention. i have been in a relationship in which i did not want to do anything, but this thing i am in makes me want to do everything. i think we ought to stick with things and people that make us lively.

i think this summer is going to be a beautiful one.

2011年6月22日 星期三

disappearing into sleep

today i am annoyed by the fact that my tax form was sent to the wrong address, and i found out that it happened last year as well, so i never knew i had to fill in a tax form, and i never did, and then i realised that i was fined for that, while i am quite sure that what i earned last year was basically nothing that required me to pay tax etc.

anyways, i wonder why i always have so many of these things to take care of. how many things does a girl have to handle? why does it seem that i have to handle all these ever since i have learnt how to write? i used to be proud, well, quite proud of myself tnat i could master the atm machine when i was 9, and that i knew how to issue a cheque when i was 10. i think i have been well-trained to be independent, that i was taught to figure out things on my own and be responsible at an age quite very young. but still, it is all too troublesome no matter how used to it i have grown to be. i am so desperately annoyed.

i think a flu must have been developing itself inside me, since i feel sleepy and heavy all the time...... :/

i don't have enough time for everything. life is too short and time is running out too fast. in 3 weeks i will be seeing him again. today we have a typhoon in hong kong, and its name is seahorse. i love its name.

2011年6月19日 星期日

my father moved through dooms of love

my father moved through dooms of love

through sames of am through haves of give,

singing each morning out of each night

my father moved through depths of height


this motionless forgetful where

turned at his glance to shining here;

that if(so timid air is firm)

under his eyes would stir and squirm


newly as from unburied which

floats the first who, his april touch

drove sleeping selves to swarm their fates

woke dreamers to their ghostly roots


and should some why completely weep

my father's fingers brought her sleep:

vainly no smallest voice might cry

for he could feel the mountains grow.


Lifting the valleys of the sea

my father moved through griefs of joy;

praising a forehead called the moon

singing desire into begin


joy was his song and joy so pure

a heart of star by him could steer

and pure so now and now so yes

the wrists of twilight would rejoice


keen as midsummer's keen beyond

conceiving mind of sun will stand,

so strictly (over utmost him

so hugely) stood my father's dream


his flesh was flesh his blood was blood:

no hungry man but wished him food;

no cripple wouldn't creep one mile

uphill to only see him smile.


Scorning the Pomp of must and shall

my father moved through dooms of feel;

his anger was as right as rain

his pity was as green as grain


septembering arms of year extend

yes humbly wealth to foe and friend

than he to foolish and to wise

offered immeasurable is


proudly and (by octobering flame

beckoned) as earth will downward climb,

so naked for immortal work

his shoulders marched against the dark


his sorrow was as true as bread:

no liar looked him in the head;

if every friend became his foe

he'd laugh and build a world with snow.


My father moved through theys of we,

singing each new leaf out of each tree

(and every child was sure that spring

danced when she heard my father sing)


then let men kill which cannot share,

let blood and flesh be mud and mire,

scheming imagine,passion willed,

freedom a drug that's bought and sold


giving to steal and cruel kind,

a heart to fear,to doubt a mind,

to differ a disease of same,

conform the pinnacle of am


though dull were all we taste as bright,

bitter all utterly things sweet,

maggoty minus and dumb death

all we inherit,all bequeath


and nothing quite so least as truth

- i say though hate were why men breathe -

because my Father lived his soul

love is the whole and more than all


- e.e. cummings


there were certain things my father did that made me hate his guts. but there were things that he did that made me decide to love him forever. this is just the thing about human beings, a good person do bad things at times, and a bad person can do good things sometimes. everything happens under circumstances and can be an outcome of certain consequences. a one-time goodness doesn't make a man saint, while a one-time bad behaviour doesn't make someone a horrible person.


it happens that people change. it happens that love changes people. i have lived my life to know that it happens. i will always keep in mind my own ignorance, that i know so little about every person out there, and the universe is mysterious, and there can be logic beyond our logic, and the only way to know one person is to fit me into the other person's skin and walk around in his/her shoes, that it is dangerous to generalize and not everything can be in black and white and crystal clear, and that in all cases there can be some exceptional cases. there are things i know about the few people i have lived and experienced things with, and what i know about them can still be the tips of an iceberg, we construct our own versions of truth and reality, and how a person is. people talk, because talk is cheap. people judge, because judging is easy. i believe that not everything similar happens due to one definite and absolute reason, two things that look alike on the surface can turn out to be completely different, and human beings have a thing about categorization, that's why we may simplify the most complex issues, resulting in narrowed-down minds, which further contribute to injustice. i am here to stick with my beliefs and make sure they are good and unbiased, and make sure that i am able enough to see the good in one person.


turning back to my father, at the end of the day we always love him more than we can hate him.


i will always love him for the things he taught me in life, that we are to have hopes at the worst of times, sharing is the key to joy, we are to be generous and help the helpless, the working people deserve more of our respect and cheerful greetings, we are not to disturb the ants as they will find their way, we shall not kill insects as we are those who invade their space, meat is bad for health, cold drinks can make me sneeze in the morning, save people and not money, be determined and i will succeed, no matter what the others would say we to him had been the best all the way, always tell the person who cooks for us (most of the time it is our mother though) that the food is nice, waste no food and be thankful, we are to care about fulfilling our hearts and souls, not our stomach... etc.


i know not how well i am doing though.


i will always be thankful for the last year he lived, or the years that he lived to be my father. we have only got one father in life and mine was mine, my tree of life.

2011年6月16日 星期四

there is something about this poor working girl -

she feels rich all the time. well, until certain moments when she needs to get $ to pay for something, then she realises she is not as rich as she feels she is. she does not have that much cash, credit cards are reserved for emergency. she does not earn that much comparing to some of the people she knows. she has basically no savings. but she feels rich still for some mysterious reasons, and feels that she is rich enough to be generous at times.

i think we get a free pass to most good places by being a good person. life can be tough sometimes, i know it at its toughest (so far), but i have lived to learn that things can always be worse. we are lucky enough as we are.

if i were given the chance to choose, i still would not trade my life for someone else's. i feel that this life of cherry rao is just the life i have to live. i treasure every moment, everything, and every person in this one life i am given.

誰人定我去或留 定我心中的宇宙 :)

beyond is the best.

at one point



at one point you fell in love; at one point you fell
a little bit too hard. at one point you thought
that was it; at one point he called it quit. at
one point you dug your way into poverty; at one
point you lost your privileges; at one point
you became a working girl; at one point
you almost could not pay the rent; at one point the
payday was delayed; at one point you traveled
back and forth for work, 3 hours each day, 6 days a week
and more; at one point you kissed too many boys; at one point
your hair was long, at one point you cut it short; at one
point you met mr. darcy; at one point mr. darcy disappeared; at one
point one good boy came along; at one point you got another job,
doubled your earnings; at one point you moved to somewhere
farther but nicer; at one point everything turned
for the better. at one point you were to blame for mistakes
you did not make; at one point others were to blame for your mistakes;
at one point his text came in a thunderstorm, at
one point you thought your big boss
did not like you anymore; at one point
you found yourself in europe. at one point your butterflies flapped
wings; at one point he sent you a heart; at one point
you started to want to forget all marriage, no sex, feeling like
you would not care; at one point you woke up and
wondered, if what you thought would last, would last.
at one point it was father's day; at one point
you realised you had long lost your father. at
one point you saw your mother's smiling face, at one point
you knew life was all but full of grace. amen.

i have put myself out there to make my moments, haven't you started?

today i have a crush on cantonese opera. today i can't stop
listening to beyond. time is too little, i want it all,
i want to get my hands on everything
beautiful and close.

2011年6月14日 星期二

i dreamt of a baby in mcdonald's apple pie's shape and size.

it should have been horrible, but it was my baby. it had babyblue eyes and blonde hair. it could not have been my baby. it did not look so much like me. but the subconciousness of my dream said it was. so, well, there it was.

it has been long since i last put my heart into writing something. i have been crafting things, not just words. my attention, again, scatters everywhere. i wouldn't have done so many silly little things if i were still in my previous relationship. i figured that i really need the distance i am having now. sometimes i feel lonely, but then most of the time i am content. i love the random piano i play, and the ai meimei t-shirts i make. i enjoy dwelling on ideas and getting my hands on doing things that please me. it pleases me spending time chatting with people who understand why one day i want to make a chair and the other day i want to make a dress. this is just who i am and what i do and these are simply things that make me happy. i am glad that my life is no longer a routine.

my approach to life now is to act on the wonderful ideas i have, and wait for good things to happen on me. i will not stress myself out, at least, not now.

i can't wait to spend my summer holidays with him. but i reckon that the waiting is worthwhile, because once the day has come the time will also start to run out quickly. i will be lovesick again for sure. thus, i guess i should enjoy every moment of the waiting now. i just wish that we will be happy like every time before. (or happier, maybe?)

*sigh* maybe that is exactly why i have not been writing, because a slight thought of him wake all of my butterflies. i am trying to remain normal and sane but those who know me know, i am just too passionate and easily amused to be calm. oh and now i remember the way he said "easy now" to me. hahaha!

2011年6月12日 星期日

i found myself on moon street today.

i paid $33 for a lemon squash. i wonder if it was a wiser purchase than paying $40 on a tequila shot, which i did the other night. there were glasses hanging from the ceiling in that classified cafe. my right foot kept kicking my left foot and i had no idea how to be careful at all.

i almost fell from the chair i was sitting on.

i am officially clumsy these days. i left the water bottle at the airport bus stop, and left the umbrella at cafe de coral where i had breakfast with my brother after having taken mom to the airport.

*sigh* i am exhausted today.

2011年6月11日 星期六

my right heel stepped on my left toe

while i was dancing last night. it hurt quite badly although it did not bleed. jane and i went to a party in which the dance floor was always sort of half-empty. we tried to fill the space but it was just too much. so we left and went to central, which turned out to be even more boring. it was just a place where guys thought they would get girls. *sigh* nowhere to dance at all! we ended up chatting in a cafe for the rest of the night. :)

always nice catching up with my girls. sometimes i am too absorbed with my own life i do not even notice what has happened to those around me. bad, bad, bad cherry.

something quite romantic and funny happened in the lift last night. a bunch of guys came in, and one of them looked at me for some seconds, and started to get hysteric, saying to his friends, "can i fall in love now? now? this girl there. i need to fall in love with her... etc." how sweet! his friends tried to stop him from getting near, until one of them turned his head and looked at me, and said "oh wow. wait, he's right." and then one of the girls in the group got annoyed and shouted at them. xD

jane said another girl in the lift was saying to her friend at that time, "how boring this place is! it is just a tourist spot." ah ha. quite true.

and then there was another thing, which was actually kind of scary.

while we were leaving the cafe, it was nearly dawn already, from a distance we saw a guy standing in the back street giving himself a handjob.

now that was totally weird and awful. what was even more shocking was that he was wearing a suit. what a freak. we screamed a bit.

ahh. what a night.

2011年6月3日 星期五

spider in my hair



Miro's May 68

i did not know how it happened. but there it was, a spider web in my hair, a million white and sticky threads, like silk or sweet dragon whiskers, except that it comes with something more or less like the bodies of dead insects.

and that was yesterday morning.

it's 4th june again today. why does it have to take so long for wrongs to be righted, and justice to be restored?

they were a bunch of innocent kids, and no matter what happened in between, they died, and died loving their own country. maybe you think that they were a bit aggressive. maybe you reckon that they were not obedient enough. maybe you assume that they were rebellious. maybe you even for some mysterious reasons decided that they were puppets of the enemies.

but imagine they were your children.

and as a matter of fact, THEY WERE YOUR CHILDREN. even a tiger would not eat his son. and what does all that you did and all that you are doing make you?

- - - - - - - - - -

i slept some long hours away, or some long hours slept me away. i cannot wait to go back there, but i may need to wait a decent while.

i envy those who have their lovers nearby. imagine yourself having to wait a year or more to get a kiss. imagine not being able to touch him at all. imagine missing out a major part of his life. but at least he is alive, and i am, too, and eventually we will get to meet. (i hope.) maybe love is unimportant. maybe relationship should not count all that much. maybe it is silly of me to cling to something that i almost cannot afford. but what does it take for you to keep your love? it takes a you and a whole lot of it. if the universe would give me a way i would so treasure it, like the way i have treasured my blood.

i have been trying hard to work things out for everybody. i only hope that this one thing will work itself out for me. maybe i sound a little bit desperate, but it is not like i did not try.

i tried my best to leave it all behind, just that every attempt failed. i told myself that i were not important and it was not like the universe should spin around me to make things whole for this little cherry. who is she anyways. people go on to live without love and they seem fine. and i might as well go on like that. or marry a simple man. live a simple life. forgo anything fanciful.

*sigh* but i was born to yearn for love. if this is the east, juliet is the sun.

and now i conclude that this walk with him is, and will be worth the while.