and suddenly i am gone.

i have started to fool or enlighten myself with the trick of suddeness, by being completely aware of the passage of time, convincing myself that this too shall pass.

i have come to the hardest part though: going to sleep and waking up alone.

now i am sitting on my own bed, above me lies my own ceiling, beneath it stand my old messy bookselves, clothes that scramble on my chair, a closet stuffed with everything useless at the moment. despite all the welcomings and "i can't wait to see you" messages i got from my family and friends, i am now feeling absolutely alone again. (though it really is nice knowing that you are always missed when you are gone, it tells me that my existence matters, you know, like at least there are people who actually love being with me - for this i feel so extremely thankful!)

however, this lovesickness is building itself up and i am not feeling so brave anymore.

i tell myself that suddenly i will be there right next to him again. our magic will always work, because when we are together i feel as if everything falls fit naturally, and the air is ever so cosy. there has to be this certain someone in a girl's life who makes her feel a bit prettier, brighter, sexier and happier simply with his own presence.

it's time to start cultivating my loveliness again, so i can get all crazy about life.