i have decided to write it here, as i know you always read my blogs, and you are a constant supporter of my writing dreams. i could hardly sleep last night, all my dreams were feverish. i could hardly mourn in a decent way, there was no way for me to get to you, and there is no door to my grief. i wonder what happened and why, on which day and at what time, i am not sure i can ever get over it. it is my loss indeed, too swift and too sudden. i remember the nights we spent talking and talking about the many problems and feelings we had. the isolation we had to fight against. i remember our trip in bangkok, the way we ran into your stupid schoolmates at siam square. i loathed them. and i loathe them still. i remember us at angela's wedding party, the stupid thing we said about pigs and wolves. i remember your down feather jacket, the one that i always forgot to return and the one that i always forgot that i had returned. i remember you as a happy girl, even when you were sad your smiles were always beautiful.
i remember the day we met in our school's classroom. the fact that you knew my elder sister before me. it breaks my heart that we have been forced to part. i should have remembered our date on 20 november, and now i have missed it, and i have missed you forever.
i love you my dear dor, and it hurts so much that i can't hear from you again.
