斷線

今天我們相識以來
第一次傾電話。
平時視像會面不算。
我們其實都有電話恐懼症，
電話聽得久會耳仔痛，
這麼多年都是短訊傳情。
(其實都不是很多年，
但原來都三年多了。)

可是傾不夠兩分鐘就會斷線，
於是來來回回打了廿多次電話，
只為延續那久違了的聲音和對話。

我的靈感來自我的情，
(可能所有以文字藝術維生的人都是這樣─
都只能這樣。)
我的情滋養我的人生，
因為我天生特別喜歡愛人，
認識的人、不認識的人，
我總是差隻腳埋去，
再一頭裁進去。

但我的生命裡，
沒有甚麼比人更重要。
我會很虔誠地守候我珍愛的，
但時來的時候要珍惜。

有些事情你試一次就夠，
有些痛夠你受一輩子。

你試過一天回到家裡，
發現本來會等你的人，
原來已經等不了嗎？
話都說不了，反應都給不了。
你試過看著你的摯親
在病床上生不如死嗎？
其實已經盡了所能，
日夜都陪在身邊了，
但是如果可以活多一次，
我還是會給他更多的時間。

沒甚麼的，只因為值得，
賺少一分錢又怎麼樣。
到了某個最關鍵的關節眼，
你真的只想傾家盪產去買回一分鐘，
但你知道你就算傾家盪產都買不回那分鐘。

如果你問我，
我的人生經驗太多了，
而決定我價值觀的事情，
早早就發生了。

midnight honey mask

two spoons of honey,
one spoon of sugar,
and a few drop of lemon juice.
mix all together,
and scrub your face with it,
let it stay there,
until you are tired enough to sleep.

if it goes onto your lips, just lick it.
it is totally delicious.

wash it off before bedtime, and there
an awesome feel on your skin. :)



p.s. honey & sugar heal scars and cure pimples,
while lemon brightens your skin.

my boyfriend got me a green dress.

and it fits me perfectly well,

and i love it awfully much.

the ice-cream van

i don't know where this weakness is coming from, it attacks me from all directions and from everywhere. it is merely a flu, or actually, just a sore throat and headache, why am i so affected?

i want to cry any minute now. and the ice cream van is happily singing outside. i can't even cheer myself up with a vanilla ice cream because of this sickness.

maybe i fear. every departure leaves in me some fear. i am afraid of giving my heart out and seeing it crushed. i want to be strong and independent but i have forgotten how.

i love him. for this i am doomed. now that he loves me, i fear, for it gives me something to lose.

life is so tiring. is there a happiness that does not come with fear? where is my courage? i was once famous for it.

this job to me is like a painful relationship.

you keep thinking of leaving, but you go back everyday still because you love it.
there is this commitment, there is this sense of responsibility, there is this thing about sticking with your own choice. thus i carry on.

life is pretty much about going back to each other now.

this longing between us

won't stop.

sometimes i stare at an empty space

and all i can see is his face.

"i dream of you even when i'm awake."

he gave me a doll, a lovely rabbit/bear creature.

i have never hugged a thing so much

other than a human.

he said it is to keep me companied while he is away.

i find us quite special, quite nice,

and in quite a lot of love. :)

the last of cheri

cheri pulled the trigger because he could not find the woman he loved anymore. the most tragic thing is that she was not dead. she was alive, and quite lively, just that she was nothing like the woman he used to know.

he indulged himself in all her blue eyes photographed, listening to recited stories of her youth. and then he put a bullet in his head.

oh dear. and that was the last of cheri.

this book did an amazingly good job as i did not notice how i felt for cheri and lea until the story ended. i guess something about them might have developed in me, that's why i feel so sad now all of a sudden.

scarier than time is the pace of ageing. 

情歸何處

這份相思
不知是要跟我回家，
還是跟他回家，
還是索性把它丟在酒店、機場、
火車站... ...
這是見面的代價。
近近地去了轉深圳，
在寶安機場送別
哭成了淚人。

我以為慢慢就會習慣。

可是相見太難、
相處太容易，
分別就太難。

其實我不怕等。

相思好似巨浪
席捲我的知覺。

近日沒怎麼寫，因為我詞窮了。
我有一種寫不出來的滿足。

我們都找到天使了。:)