i keep waking up to forget where i am.

i had a haunting dream yesterday night, dreaming of us sleeping in the forest with an approaching ghost, i dreamt of that same ghost the night we slept in the tent. i woke up to find me on my own bed alone, the one big tree outside my window swallowing willows. he told me that it is a cherry tree outside his window. it has occurred to me that what spring did with the cherry trees has made me one half woman and one half dream.

i took a nap today afterwork, i woke up once, i woke up twice, each time feeling clueless about where i was at. it must have been the flights, i had been on too many flights in the past few days, it is a strange thing continuing to fall asleep and wake up in different cities and countries. it is like i have made a long dream that lasted for 10 days and more, about the same person, regarding the same thing. i am terribly lovesick at the moment, but i am also sweetened with some decent doses of loveliness. every moment i had was worth more than i would have bargained for. there are not many things that i have wished for myself, considering the fact that i am already too thankful for what life has given me, i have lived a good life and loved the good people who love me back in the same good ways. i am, therefore, always engaged with the question regarding who i am to deserve all that much, feeling like i have always been taking more than i can give. but i was told by my beloved friends and family that i deserve their love and my happiness, so i guess i can stop worrying about that for now. :) (BUT WHO AM I TO DESERVE THAT MUCH? i basically feel like thanking god everyday, despite the fact that i can turn into a big whiner all of a sudden.)

i am locked up with the feeling that he and i deserve each other. there is this one thing of us i want for myself (or us) so insanely much. i know it when i look into the mirror and see my eyes radiate. i knew it when i looked into his eyes and he smiled right back at me, along with each touch. am i easily amused, satisfied and amazed or was each moment of the past days we had together starting from 2 years ago really that great? have i been love-blind all the way? i told him that the good days we had would be unruinable, even though we had our departures and stuff, i think nothing stands the chance to overwrite the happiness i got out of the simple idea of us (at least to me, it is like that and it is going to be like that.)

one can wake me up and tell me that it was all but a dream, but i made a pretty good one. had i not lived when i slept? i totally did, and i lived it up.

love is definitely a fine frenzy, it makes a girl lovely and a writer write.