first dates are always horrifying. you remember having to call your mom and chit-chat with her all the way, asking her if you should just fake sick and run away. the urgency to turn away and leave was too strong, and the idea that you didn't know what it would turn into could be scary and enchanting at the same time.
most of the first dates were pretty nice, if not amazing. some of them were terrific, except that there was this one boy who walked so fast the whole time and would not hold the door and ignored your request of popcorn. you thought it was only because he didn't like you, and that was ok because you didn't really like him either. but then he couldn't wait to ask you out again once you have boarded the train. that night was so dreadfully long, and you spent the rest of the month avoiding phone calls.
it is always easier to remember bad dates, but then you remember the good dates, too. you don't remember how or when or where you fell that much in love though. suddenly you are here reading me and writing you. 2 years have passed away.
maybe it's a bit pathetic to spend a saturday night at home, but all you can think about at this particular moment is the coming thursday. well, actually, it's friday that matters. thanks to all that time difference you are able to steal a bit more time out of that dreadful distance. (yep, so you notice, dreadful is your new favourite word.)
gosh. what am i gonna do? WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
most of the first dates were pretty nice, if not amazing. some of them were terrific, except that there was this one boy who walked so fast the whole time and would not hold the door and ignored your request of popcorn. you thought it was only because he didn't like you, and that was ok because you didn't really like him either. but then he couldn't wait to ask you out again once you have boarded the train. that night was so dreadfully long, and you spent the rest of the month avoiding phone calls.
it is always easier to remember bad dates, but then you remember the good dates, too. you don't remember how or when or where you fell that much in love though. suddenly you are here reading me and writing you. 2 years have passed away.
maybe it's a bit pathetic to spend a saturday night at home, but all you can think about at this particular moment is the coming thursday. well, actually, it's friday that matters. thanks to all that time difference you are able to steal a bit more time out of that dreadful distance. (yep, so you notice, dreadful is your new favourite word.)
gosh. what am i gonna do? WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
it may be a bit sad that i can only be in love with someone whose (physical) existence is so remote and that i have to wait for months to be kissed, but i am simply too sure that what i am having has to be one of those most romantic and exciting experiences i can have. i had never had much patience in my life, once i wanted a pair of shoes and the shopkeeper promised me that if i could just wait for a couple of days i could get a 30% discount, and then i asked my brother to drive me to another shop and got those shoes with the original price. that was me. i cannot wait. i can be really patient to people i love and spend time listening to them, helping them whine, but when it comes to waiting, it feels just a bit too difficult.
it turns out that sometimes you just have to wait, and no surprise, the risks you take and the time you spend on waiting do have a chance to be paid off. i only wish i had waited longer, maybe. well, or maybe not. it would be stupid to wait for someone who has already given you up. it seems. but the ironic part is it doesn't make you a smarter person jumping into one relationship after another either. or does it? you only wish that you did not have to break someone's heart or waste someone's time.
ah. life...
how do you know if this is it?
at one point you really knew that you knew it. but the world told you that you must be wrong, and then he showed you that you could be wrong, and then your faith was shaken and your whole go-with-your-gut-feeling system fell apart, and then you did not know what you knew anymore, or you did not know if you really knew what you thought you knew.
if i am allowed to trust my heart and my 6th sense and that go-with-your-gut-feeling system, and get rid of those norms and people's perceptions of how things are supposed to be
i knew i knew it, i know i knew it, and i know i know it.
and this time no one has to know what it is.
it turns out that sometimes you just have to wait, and no surprise, the risks you take and the time you spend on waiting do have a chance to be paid off. i only wish i had waited longer, maybe. well, or maybe not. it would be stupid to wait for someone who has already given you up. it seems. but the ironic part is it doesn't make you a smarter person jumping into one relationship after another either. or does it? you only wish that you did not have to break someone's heart or waste someone's time.
ah. life...
how do you know if this is it?
at one point you really knew that you knew it. but the world told you that you must be wrong, and then he showed you that you could be wrong, and then your faith was shaken and your whole go-with-your-gut-feeling system fell apart, and then you did not know what you knew anymore, or you did not know if you really knew what you thought you knew.
if i am allowed to trust my heart and my 6th sense and that go-with-your-gut-feeling system, and get rid of those norms and people's perceptions of how things are supposed to be
i knew i knew it, i know i knew it, and i know i know it.
and this time no one has to know what it is.
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