十個朝與暮

兩情若是久情時，又豈在朝朝暮暮。

兩個人千辛萬苦拼湊下來，在冬未完時春未至，勉強找到十個朝與暮。數著算著兩三天，快到了全身戀愛的時節。收拾了房間，染黑了頭髮，瘋狂地敷mask，修葺了濃眉。把連身裙找出來，一條一條燙得筆直。把伴在床邊的書捎起來，一本一本回歸書架。好好享受這漫長的倒數，到他來了，日子又將飛快得像風一樣。

兩個人的時候，我們習慣過兩個人的日子。因為時間太少，相處成為了必然的需要。

central station

for two mornings in the central mtr station there was an old lady. she came to me and asked, "hey little girl, could you give me two dollars for a ride home?" so for two mornings i gave her what she asked, and i saw her asking other people for the same thing. i didn't know if i was encouraging her to do so. but she was so happy just to get two dollars, it wasn't much, i would have bought her a breakfast, too, if that was what she wanted. but it was heartbreaking. one of my biggest nightmares, besides dirty bathrooms, is to see old people being hungry and homeless. i often remind myself to work hard so i can give a warm and comfortable life to my mom. i think it's sad that hong kong leaves old people wandering around helplessly, while our government is considerably rich.

i wonder if she will still be there tomorrow.

sleep paralyze

these days i have been haunted by sleep paralyze  chinese people say it's ghost-pressing-on-the-bed. it doesn't feel good anyway. sometimes i dream of some presence in my room, like a big pile of darkness. in the middle of the night i hear someone using my keyboard. it's either some spirit, the ghost of my dad or me going mental. 

i have learnt not to care or be scared, as long as i can still be sleeping sound and sweetly. but even sleeping fails me. i used to love sleeping so much, to the extent that every time i lay down on my bed i thought to myself how i was blessed to be able to go to bed comfortably after a day of hard work.

i checked wikipedia out and according to folklore of most cultures, from china to thailand, finland and south america, sleep paralyze is related to some spirit/ghost/a witch pressing against the sleeper's heart.

i am simply depressed. 

he loves me.

sometimes when i think about the first time i met him, it feels so surreal. how can two people come together and create so many stories? i never thought he would be my first and only, and now i think he will even be the end of me, the one man i will share my bed with for the rest of my life. at least this is what i am willing to work towards -- a happy ever-after with him.

i love that he loves me, because i love him so.

today

i feel like i have not lived for a long time. i have only been in love. i have only been working. i have only been spending time with my family. i have only been coughing a lot. these are all wonderful things to spend time on, but the little girl inside me wants more of books, movies, music and written words.

finally there is a weekend when work does not have to go home with me. to celebrate i went to the art museum spending 30 minutes on 15 minutes of eternity, thanks to andy warhol. i felt lovely being at the museum in my little black dress. i love how all his self-portraits made self-love a cool thing. i even thought he looked nice. he was hardly handsome, but i like his style.

i have been horribly forgetful lately, and all the things i forgot are driving me crazy.