2015年12月11日 星期五

a part of me has given up.

maybe it's me. you know. maybe i am the reason why i am so awfully alone. maybe i am supposed to be like this. a part of me has given up on making efforts to build bridges. i don't want to connect anymore. i don't need the connection. let it be.

i just need to find a way to get out of this depression and move on with my life. it's about me and my life afterall. it doesn't concern anyone else besides my family. and my family is the reason why i need to be strong.

now that sasa is not here. i keep returning to the same corners where she used to sit or sleep or wander. of course, the apartment is so small. and she was everywhere. she would be next to my bed, near the table, in her room, by the stairs, in the bathroom, on the sofa, outside the kitchen... i miss her so much there is no way to explain this sadness. everytime i think of her it is like someone stabbing right into my heart.

she was always here. and now she is gone for good.

i tried to tell myself that life had to end somewhere anyways but it didn't help. maybe when we are dead we forget about everything and what we have or have not done doesn't matter anymore because we won't know or feel anything about this life anymore.

maybe.