tomorrow. to you. i will.

i have grown up watching my girlfriends’ dreamy bubbles on their future weddings. some of them even have their wedding gowns drawn out. others have thought about when and where to get married, who to invite and the budget etc.

when I was younger my thoughts on weddings would go all the way to the other world, there was absolutely nothing realistic in them, i could only think about my wedding in a castle, not knowing which castle, not even knowing if that castle exists at all. i had no idea when and where to have this wedding. i thought i’d better not plan. let’s just keep everything in the other world.

at one point in my life i vowed i would never want to get married, that i would never need a husband, and that i would stay at home with my parents because with them i had got all i would ever need, and besides, i was pretty much sure that the romance i wanted was nowhere to be found. i shocked some of my friends with my determined thoughts. that year I was 19.

last year I had a boyfriend who said he would really marry me. we talked about our future house and our future kids. my mother thought him half a son and his mother thought me half a daughter. i had never had anything so sure and so unsure at the same time.

this year i gave it all away. i think i will be better off marrying myself off in some sandals and flowery dress, with my hair loose and in my sunbathed skin. as long as i am happy i do not care, i can do it like Echo, in the sahara desert even, just like her wedding with Jose. if i am ever going to get married i am going to do it in the most random time or day and in the most random kind of way.

but of course the wedding gowns in pure white look nice. i will always miss that father-daughter dance in the wedding party. (well, i doubt if my dad would be able to dance with me in a sane way even if he was alive, he would probably just get drunk or do some indian dance moves which he was actually good at. haha)

i want to get married just once and live my life happily ever after thereafter, but i probably want to celebrate it over and over and over again. am i such a greedy person?

girl talks. wedding thoughts. in 6 years i will be 30, can you imagine? some days ago i was talking out loud in my chinese literature class that i would build a castle and marry a prince. that year i was 17.

and suddenly i am here. oh my awareness of time freaks me out.

* just in case you're my boy and you happen to be reading it (since i have no idea if you read at all - and it's not important if you do not): don't worry, we aren't getting married tomorrow. i'm not getting married anytime soon, either. it's just one of my out-of-context talks.