i don't have the words.

today i had another language exchange lesson. it was fun, as everytime before. i have to push myself though, as i keep not remembering what i have learnt. (because i've hardly practiced at all.) today i learnt about hotdogs, which i think i will remember. becuase jeg elsker dansk hotdogs! james told me that there is actually a danish shop in hongkong from which i can get the hotdogs, so i have decided that i will go test my danish on the shop owner. :D!

my father's written words are still on my bookshelf. have you ever tried looking at pages of words you cannot read and you cannot move away you keep staring and staring until it almost burns your eyes the idea that you want it so bad to understand what has been written but you absolutely cannot read?

i can scream my lungs out. i am that desperate.

i wish i knew hindi. then i would have known what he had written all these years. how can i be a poetess myself without ever having read my own dad's poetry? sometimes i thought i could just hire a translator to translate them all into english or chinese, but then i found that meaningless, because me, myself, as a translator, i know how meanings would be lost. once translated those would not be his own words anymore.

maybe i should start learning hindi, too.