this kind of kindness is so evil.

the worst kind of bad people is those who think they are doing good. and they live in such overwhelming of kindness around them that it makes other people feel evil hating them. we feel that something is wrong. but we can't pick on them. because, oh afterall they are just being kind. why are you so picky? we ask ourselves.

but some people only do certain things to make themselves feel good, and make it look like they are doing good to others as well. unfortunately they also believe in their own goodness.

why am i annoyed? maybe it's because for those 15 months he never paid much attention to my dad. i bet he didn't even know his deathday or birthday, if he did he would have done something? but why do something now after we have officially ended. why now? i don't feel good about it. my dad is not something to make him feel good.

he never even listened on those days when i said i missed him badly. when i talked about him he would start talking about something else and asked me not to think about my own dad. yes he really did that. and i stopped talking eventually.

i have never liked his kind of kindness. i cannot be kind in his way. i cannot go around making life easier for those who have already been living a easy life. if they don't treasure what they have, they do not deserve my help either. my compassion is limited. i cannot even be friends with those whose values i cannot approve of. it gives me anger listening to shallow people's shallow talks. but he has the most fun with people like that.

he shouldn't even want me.

my parents are saints to me. it is too late to befriend my dad indeed. i am cruel now, because it is cruel to be kind. i don't lead people on. my soul is happy now. and i will never let it go back to where it had been.