everything i have is flowery.

just few minutes ago i googled "how to cure lovesickness" and bumped into some real sad people writing about their failed love. some of them even regard lovesickness as the worst kind of mental diseases. so it seems quite true that the world is lovesick (and not just yesterday or today.) it is an everyday thing.

and after reading what they have written i am now starting to think that my lovesickness is not that serious. some of them believe that there is only this one person they can love and if they are not loved back all they can do is to build themselves a wall and stay in there forever and more.

now that is a bit too dramatic.

and then i think i have the cure.

1. get used to it - i think what really makes you feel bad is the fact that you can feel your own lovesickness. you can feel your stomach upside down and your tears held up just an inch behind your eyeballs. you feel all those. well, continue feeling! you will eventually be able to adjust your life to your lovesickness and live on. (i reckon.)

2. turn it into something - it is just like how energy cannot be destroyed. it can always be transformed into something else though. write something. paint something. cook with it. sing it out. make it something beautiful. all you need is a little window.

3. stop loving yourself too much - the only reason why you are upset for not being loved back is that you still place yourself in front of everything and everyone else. you care too much about what you can or cannot get. if you really love a person you want him/her to be happy. if someone else can make him/her happier than you can, you are probably not meant for each other. of course i still hope i can be the only girl to make my boy feel the way he feels with me, but it is really not up to me. (oh fingercrossed, let me be the one honey honey!)

4. trust the universe - hand everything over and try your best to live your life and make the most out of what you have. the universe will take care of the rest.

5. love the world - just so every walk is worth the while.

i bet everyone has better things to do than to be despaired by some unfortunate love affairs. i have tons of things to do everyday, and so many responsibilities upon my shoulders. and a family to take care of, and so many friends to pour love on. i do not have time at all. but i still have him on my mind. i still think about us and smile to myself. i think it is an ok thing. it is something i can live with, and as long as it can make me happy i will keep it. the only thing that bugs me now is how i am not able to see him. and now the bug that bugs me is making me rhyme.

yesterday i dreamt of lots and lots of apples. i hope it means good fortune. i am so going to upset the world economic balance if i ever win a lottery big enough. i will not let anyone be hungry or homeless again, i will rob the rich and serve the poor in ways the rich rob the poor to make themselves rich. i will, i will, i will.