today i saw a swan

or a goose? but it was too beautiful to be a goose. it was all white with a neck so slender, its feathers looked so smooth, and it could fly. i thought it must be a good sign. to see such a beauty at 7 something on a beautiful morning.

today i worked all day and went to school afterwards. having spent more than 15 hours out there, i am already completely exhausted on a monday. but i have to push myself. work harder. strive for excellence. i have nothing to count on but the future now. i wish my hard work will one day pay off. and finally there is a happy ever-after for myself and everyone i love.

once upon a time i had all the time in the world to fall in love; and once upon a time i had all the world to fall in love with. my boyfriend would hate me talking about it (blame it on my period, darling,) about all those crazy crushes i had, whoever used to make me feel alive. that was the time when i was able to write with beauty and delicacy. that was the time when i was busy wandering to get lost. life was so vivid and my heart was full of flowers.

yet love like those was pure, innocent and sweet. i lived in one daydream after another, reality did not matter. i worried about not being able to get married, or be loved truly, yet it was so romantic to have my heart broken for reasons so light and irrelevant to whatsoever.

i don't ask for much in life. i ask only for love, and freedom and beauty of the purest kind. what's the use of chasing after the mundane luxury? it is all vanity, or it will all end up as vanity. i wonder how the world operates happiness on consumption. it is so logically wrong.

when was the last time you smiled at the sparkling stars and felt your heart filled? autumn is here. i heard that this winter is going to be cold. not too cold, i hope.