on marriage

i once heard that either marriage or divorce is a form of escapism. i wonder how true is that. but in either way escapism would be the wrong reason to get married.

i have seen too many women ruined their lives by marrying the wrong kind of husbands. the kind of husbands that does not take the responsibility to act like one. the one who ignores the universal law of "men give, women receive." and becomes a taker taking everything for granted, except of course they give away their sperms for free.

i am waiting for a man who believes in his ability to make things happen. just like how i believe in my ability to make things happen for my little ones. every moment of it is hard-earned, and it can only be, but every moment like this is worthwhile to me. this is how i am spending my early 20s, and how i believe my late 20s will be spent. if only i am lucky, my 30s will then be a bit more lovely. and if the right one appears, it'd be almost perfect.

i do not mind waiting. the truth is i'd rather do it hopefully. or maybe it's wrong for me to ever want to get married.

i do not expect myself to want a different car each month, or a bigger house each year. i do not expect myself to be clothed in luxuries and jeweleries and carry around the kind of handbags that cost the salesperson's one month salary. i may want to travel around a bit, and write a lot, and take part in most art events going on, and spend some time on charity. i don't expect myself to be one of the mundane heads anymore. i hope i won't need to. i won't chase after (work for) money if i don't need to.

i don't know how unaffordable it makes me. i wish i can have a life like that on my own before i ever get married. i wish i will still have a reason to get married after i have made a life like that all on my own.

secretly i have never counted on anyone in the form of a male creature to bring me my happiness. but i'd like to fancy it a bit, the way i fancy a knight in a shimmering armor or a charming prince on a white horse. the happy everafter arriving long before my hair turns silver, my face wrinkle and my boobs sag (maybe they won't because they are too small.) and last forever.

i wish one day the man i shall love will want to marry me no matter what. obviously it's difficult now, these days. some women will even pay to get married. and some men don't mind.

awful reality.