me alone with my words.

now i have all the time in the world to write. yet writing is always an emotional activity, sometimes i get too carried away by what my thoughts have generated onto the screen and cry like a baby.

10 months make up almost 5% of my life, comparing to the 2.5% before it's a double. pride is the greatest sin i have committed out of the seven. sometimes i wonder, would you still want me if you can have her? would you still want me if being with me means no future? what if we won't get married? what if i won't have kids? what if our time is limited (yes it is) and reality is meaningless? would you still be with me for the sake of being with me? i want you to think that inside your head i'm the best. but even if you said so i couldn't bring myself to believe it. would you go take a walk around the world just to prove it? i wish you had fallen in love with most girls in the entire universe already, so you know for sure that it's me who you want.

i remember myself holding my lover's hand thinking it would be the moment one day i would wake up missing, i could not stop the passage of time, had no idea how to stop life from changing. i can only try my best to make every moment count. if happiness serves no immortality, may misery too, be brief.

i think today's entry deserves a pretty illustration. so i tried to type in the key word "beauty" on yahoo photos search engine. the results are disappointing! i wonder how distorted people's views on beauty have become. or has it always been like this? or maybe it only proves how human beings can never be replaced by machines, no matter how smart a computer is it has no aesthetic sense.

i am not good at photography. instead of visual documentation i use mostly words. but i took this photo because i was amazed by how lovely the sunlight could be when it went through the windows onto my bed, and how much a blessing it was to wake up from beauty like that a while ago.

sleeping (and dreaming) is not so much a waste of time in my opinion. it can be one of the most transcendental experiences in one's life. :)