eat, pray, love

Elizabeth Gilbert is hopping on my nerves (in a wondeful way.)

i am halfway through india now. will get to indonesia soon. how i fancy the life of Elizabeth Gilbert! having someone offered to pay her for travelling and writing... although she is 34 already. considering the fact that i am only 23, maybe there are still chances for me in the future. (i used to fancy wandering through the world to fall in love with a boy from each country and write about each love story. it now sounds like a stupid idea.)

yet it still seems to me a bit dreamy to count so much on the future. i can't do nothing now but to be patient and wait. i can only try to enjoy life as much as i can. and eat. and pray. and love. sometimes i react a bit too strongly to certain little things in life. maybe i am still not very mentally stable. i have no idea why. once upon a time i was the miss sunshine among my friends. my trick was simply to smile things away. but these days i frown too much even my eyebrows feel tired.

i used to think that one day we would look back and find most things funny. i realize now that it's not true. some things mean only heartbreaks and in these cases time does not matter.

lately i feel that i am slowly drifting away from my passions. and i seem to be doing that on purpose. i have been applying jobs that aren't quite fit my nature. people question it. i question myself, too. but life isn't always about getting what you want the most.

i want things. but needs matter more. it is like how i stood at the center of a mall tonight. i asked myself what i would like to buy. i could not think of anything indeed. except vacations. vacations. and vacations. (tomorrow will begin with the alarm clock running off at 7am again, and then work, and then school, and then me on my bed half alive completely exhausted.)

by thursday night i will be on the plane to thailand, may god bless me and allow me a safe, nice and decent trip. (for merely 3 days.) my baby will be at netherlands in 2 weeks. and then beijing. since the stupid breakup few weeks ago we have become a lovelier couple more in love. lately i looked at him and found him more handsome than i ever thought he was. how strange.