listerine

helps me cry. the longer i keep it in my mouth, the easier it is for me to just drop tears. the hardest part of crying, besides stopping, is possibly starting it, and then you have to think about when to cry, and then where to, and then with whom you can.

it is often a thing you do alone.

it is not like i cried. just that i needed that listerine to take care of my wisdom tooth. it has been hurting like hell for days. but sometimes you just let the pain stay there and be still, and one day when you get used to it you won't notice it's there anymore, but of course until you suddenly bite on it, and oh, there you realise - it has been there all the time.

now, you just have to accept that sometimes you don't get to get the things you want, or get things to go your way. there are circumstances and happenstance and sometimes, you just have to accept that you are not the center of the universe and things don't spin around you and you alone. people can put you on hold, for how long you don't know, but you are granted the pleasure to be on the waiting list, treasure it.

sometimes i think people only love me when they need me. what if i am un-need-able? or maybe i am not even that loved, just that i often mistake "a little" for "too much".

pms. obviously.