today i planned to sit here and write......

but somehow i wasted all my time in front of that little box generating light and sounds, we call that a television. these days a lot is going on my mind, over and over again. i am freaking out inside. i am so scared of life, like i mentioned before, the deaths that come with it are haunting me. i cannot imagine death itself. i have seen it, right upon my father's bed, and then he died, i remember myself shaking insanely at the arrival of its approach. maybe i am affected because diasaters are everywhere in this world now. nowhere seems to be safe enough. the headlines are occupied by either deadly incidents or record-breaking properties. a house no longer means a home, at least not to our society. i am going to go with the flow, not knowing where my thoughts will take me. i have farther trapped myself, but maybe this time, more happily. because finally, there is someone for me. always near. i have to sleep now, can't continue writing no more. hate having to get up so early. but i love my job. i just wish to stay within the art sphere, in any lovely and possible ways. autumn is coming. summer has passed. i wonder what i have done in the past few months, not much indeed. each year i wait for summer so longingly, i miss may once it has passed. how i miss the may day flowers.