"i love you"

how many times do we try to tell someone these 3 words, 8 letters, hesitate and then retreat? i said "i love you" too many times in all kinds of manners but it still happened to me a lot. sometimes i wanted to say "i love you" but simply could not. something held me back. was i not sure of how i felt? of course not. was i afraid of not receiving an "i love you" back? that could not be true either. who says we are only allowed to love someone who loves us back? that would be ridiculous. for love to happen, someone has to be the first.

but i am superstitious. just like how i would never go to too many job interviews at once because i am afraid of scattering my good luck and the little bit of good luck everywhere could not be enough to make things happen. maybe i secretly believe that "i love you" can't be said too many times or it will become cliche-like, thus meaningless. or you wouldn't even take it as something serious.

but i love you. at 12:50am i typed the text and deleted it. although after all these months i thought i could tell you anything, sometimes my neck is still tough for no reasons.