life is too much.

each time i get a flu i can't escape the thought that this is it, i will never get better.
i dragged my sleepy body home yesterday afternoon, and started sleeping once i got on my bed. i envy those who are healthy and energetic. i envy the old me, how i once was, who could stay up all night drinking and went straight to work afterwards.
i wonder what life has done to me. i seldom drink these days. i go to bed early. but i don't eat much. i can't. the weather is too hot. am i no longer young?
my head is dizzy still. runny nose continues to run. there is a slight pain on my chest.
life scares me. its sickness, accidents and deaths. the way we can hurt and bleed. the taste of medicine. images of human weakness. my own fate.