the tower and the wheel of fortune

today i played the tarot 5 times, and the combination of these 2 cards kept coming up, they were there 3 times. although i finally got some good cards, i understand that it must be a sign when the same cards kept coming up.

i totally understand what the tower means, i have been haunted by it lately, either from my mom's deck or from madame lulu's. it has been around. i wonder if it's because of the full-moon and the mercury's shift of position. the murphy's law is still in motion.

i used to meet the fool a lot, being happy and totally unaware of the danger aheard. the fool hasn't appeared that often anymore. i know i always get good luck in love when i get the 9 of cups or the devil. the knights usually mean new lovers that sweep me off my feet. but the tower and the wheel of fortune... such an odd combination. i don't think i had once got them before.

but as i said, i understand. i have been standing on the edge of a breakdown. my mood does major swings from heaven to hell and to heaven again. i have been building my own tower wishing that i can reach heaven.

my senses tell me one thing, but my heart tells me another. i am let down by myself. there are no fake hopes, i wonder why people call something fake hopes, hopes are hopes, they aren't fake even when they don't get realised. you know you don't always hope for things that can be realised, right?

i have given myself too much wishful thinking. i am totally indulged by my own positivity and imagination. both the tower and the wheel of fortune indicate changes, quick and big. they can also mean sex, so i heard. oh, well. maybe i spent too much time dwelling on the idea of what spring does with the cherry tree.

maybe i should start praying.