i have it all planned out.

i told someone that when i turn 30 i will be happy, carefree and successful. and he found that arrogant. he said i should not say "i will", instead i should just say "i wish to."

oh but making a wish is never as strong as asserting your own will. making a wish is like an active-passive kind of behaviour. afterall it is more like waiting for things to happen than making things happen. (although i do too, make a lot of wishes whenever chances come up.)

and then he said no one knew what the future would hold.

i think the future is just a lot of "now(s)". it will hold a lot of now(s). and now is now. i believe in karma. what you do now decides what you will be. you may not know everything. you will find yourself at times helpless, useless and powerless. but you will always know you have done the best you can. and i will always be a willful being.

in terms of what i have achieved with what i can have, i consider myself a happy, carefree and successful girl, even now, at this particular moment in time. it is merely a state of mind.

it is ok if life fails you. sometimes the world fails you, too. it is kind of destined for us to be failed from time to time. we can only make sure we don't fail ourselves. (well although if we do fail ourselves a little, we can still try our best to get over it and start over.)

i do have it all planned out. it is indeed as simple as words can explain. but some people never understand. sometimes i wonder if it is my own fault. maybe i do love to complicate things just so i can break them down into simplicity again with my own terms and conditions which the world may find chaotic.

hongkong is such a small city, you can go to most places here within 2 hours at most. but here you also find the greatest distance between one mind and another.

so i figured you can't really count everything on physical distance all that much. it can really take a thousand miles or more, to find that one person who makes you feel a certain level of intimacy.

it is indeed hard enough to find someone (a boy, in fact) with a mind open enough to not reject your own thoughts in your own head. i mean, you will be amazed, truly amazed, by how often people attempt to re-arrange what they find chaotic on your mind

when for god's sake chaos is just an order they can't recognize.