my thoughts scatter in late night thunders.

it was 5 in the morning and we were sitting in the car.
i was about to depart.
i dared not to think of a way to keep us.
so i didn't. and i haven't been thinking about that still.
but a part of me knows that we are just going to be well-kept
in one way or another, despite time and distance.
i think i have managed not to be that lovesick anymore.
being in love means you know you can have anyone else in the world
but you want him/her instead.
they say showing a boy how you feel will only make him take you for granted.
but i have been taught by life to always be open about my feelings
because you don't know when forever ends.
so i texted him in the middle of a night casting a love spell on us
and turned around feeling completely awkward about myself like i do everytime i send a risky text over.
i would do anything, if i know he wants me just as much.
i have always secretly wished that i could be the boy, and he the girl,
you know, so i can send him flowers and chocolates,
make love to him like i know how, and eventually propose.
but i am stuck in this girly active-passivity.
maybe i am waiting for someone who can take me even for my sentiments.
no one needs to understand the way we work things out.
we are no players. there is a string attached.
but this is what happens when two free spirits fall in love.
we are the laziest lovers and i am in love with our laziness.
i have been hardworking enough, for years
to finally understand that it does not take backflips to make love work.
whatever i do or do not do, it is all about love.



apart from all the above.

things keep falling on me. the really mundane ones.
i am giving out more than i can ever afford,
though what i am doing is still too little.
but i just can't stand aside and watch people die.
it is still about me. the fact that my heart sinks all the way down
knowing that there are helpless people out there waiting for help.
but there is one thing i believe in: the more i give the more i will have.
afterall i don't keep things. things gather where life is, automatically.
and if i am ever going to mess my life up
i hope it'd only be for some good reasons.
i should cast a spell on myself tonight, a spell that is mixed
with all the wisdom, power, bravery, spirit and love i need.