you give me peace.

i live in a world of artistic people at the age of 20-30 something who have already accomplished a lot. their passion for art, and love and the enjoyment of life is so vividly strong that it almost hurts my eyes. every step i take is a realisation of the tightness of time. i want to do a lot more than what i am doing.

there are two sources of exhaustion:

1. working too hard
2. boredom

it is indeed a wonderful feeling to be so into a task that you barely feel the passage of time, and your own muscles aching. but being exhausted by boredom is nothing but a sincere torture. it drives me crazy.

very few people in the universe are able to spend their life being absorbed into the tasks they are passionate for.

with the piano i play the same song over and over again, to the extent that i must have annoyed the ears of my dear family. but i cannot help it. it felt too good. likewise, with words i write about the same things repeatedly because i am pathetic enough to cling to these feelings.

without art i would have been half-dead. can you imagine living in a flat with no windows? you are in desperate need of these windows because you do not want to go out, you just really want to know what is out there, you want to feel the wind and the sun beams on your skin, even though you have ridiculously shut yourself up and closed yourself in. art gives you the windows of a flat. it opens you up, at least spiritually.

kiss me madonna. you give me peace.