besides the fact of me being a pms victim again. i am depressed and easily upset. i feel weak, fragile and unimportant TONIGHT.
speaking of insecurity, i recall this funny conversation i had with someone, we were talking about Mona Lisa and he said she was really insecured that she needed that much security, and i said i was insecured, too, and then he said he was not sure if i was more insecured or Mona Lisa... xD anyways, it can be really funny (to me) when one word serves two meanings.
i am free to write whatever i want tonight because a woman on period can get away with almost everything.
oh well, going back to the monkey dream, i hate that i dreamt of monkeys! it makes me go around thinking people may be playing tricks on me or doing things behind my back etc., combined with the pms the whole thing has turned me into someone i dislike to a serious extent. i hope this feeling will go away ASAP! i cannot take being gloomy and suspicious anymore. :/
again, why did stupid Eve even ate that apple?! but of course she was stupid enough to do so, God did not give her wisdom, and he did it on purpose, so, i guess, God set Adam and Eve up and gives women pms on purpose... i guess? maybe.
ummm. you see, i believe in things like i know them. but of course i don't know that many things, and for all the things i think i know, i am not always sure. but sometimes i do think that i know things, and i think that if i stick with my guts and feelings everything is doomed to fall right into place eventually. am i too optimistic? but i guess, well, at one point, things just cannot go wrong anymore, that no matter what went wrong before, when the time is right every good thing shall attract one another and gather around you and your world has to blossom.
when i am pessimistic i think, well, if you did not make it before, why would you make it now? if someone did not love you back then, why would he love you now? if he could give you up once, why would he stick with you twice?
but i cannot allow negativity to rule, because it is bad. i only get whatever i have now by ever being strong in tough circumstances and keeping up my positive thinking. i lived a year in which i had pretty much nothing to count on, actually, i lived some years like that, from time to time throughout my whole life, but still, now i am almost proud enough to call myself a self-made person. (i don't have a lot still, and a lot of what i have now can only be mine with me being continously working my lungs out, but so what. i am still glad.)
speaking of romance, you see, the thing is not really about how much i am wanted, at times i am quite certain that it has to be at least very much, but i'd rather not go around calculating, the problem with me is that i have trouble figuring out how much is too much, and whether enough is enough etc., at the end i think none of it matters that much.
if my heart leaps only to one person's existence, and if my ears yearn only for his sweetness, and if this wanting does not stop, and if i sincerely mind getting close with anyone else but him, it is easy (for me) to decide what to have, and what not.
whatever you do or do not do.
i am free to write whatever i want tonight because a woman on period can get away with almost everything.
oh well, going back to the monkey dream, i hate that i dreamt of monkeys! it makes me go around thinking people may be playing tricks on me or doing things behind my back etc., combined with the pms the whole thing has turned me into someone i dislike to a serious extent. i hope this feeling will go away ASAP! i cannot take being gloomy and suspicious anymore. :/
again, why did stupid Eve even ate that apple?! but of course she was stupid enough to do so, God did not give her wisdom, and he did it on purpose, so, i guess, God set Adam and Eve up and gives women pms on purpose... i guess? maybe.
ummm. you see, i believe in things like i know them. but of course i don't know that many things, and for all the things i think i know, i am not always sure. but sometimes i do think that i know things, and i think that if i stick with my guts and feelings everything is doomed to fall right into place eventually. am i too optimistic? but i guess, well, at one point, things just cannot go wrong anymore, that no matter what went wrong before, when the time is right every good thing shall attract one another and gather around you and your world has to blossom.
when i am pessimistic i think, well, if you did not make it before, why would you make it now? if someone did not love you back then, why would he love you now? if he could give you up once, why would he stick with you twice?
but i cannot allow negativity to rule, because it is bad. i only get whatever i have now by ever being strong in tough circumstances and keeping up my positive thinking. i lived a year in which i had pretty much nothing to count on, actually, i lived some years like that, from time to time throughout my whole life, but still, now i am almost proud enough to call myself a self-made person. (i don't have a lot still, and a lot of what i have now can only be mine with me being continously working my lungs out, but so what. i am still glad.)
speaking of romance, you see, the thing is not really about how much i am wanted, at times i am quite certain that it has to be at least very much, but i'd rather not go around calculating, the problem with me is that i have trouble figuring out how much is too much, and whether enough is enough etc., at the end i think none of it matters that much.
if my heart leaps only to one person's existence, and if my ears yearn only for his sweetness, and if this wanting does not stop, and if i sincerely mind getting close with anyone else but him, it is easy (for me) to decide what to have, and what not.
whatever you do or do not do.
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