maybe a flu does not kill me.

but it kills many things.

when you are forced to lie awake staring at the empty ceiling, and wonder if you get at least a little bit of care when you most need it from the people you most need it from.

sure, it is just a flu and i probably will get well tomorrow, when jesus brings me to his resurrection.

but you see. i really feel like i need something now, and if i don't get it, a part of me may die.

it's not like i can ask for it though, since if i do my dignity will die, and i am not even 100% sure if i will get it even if i ask for it.

that's why i said all the things i said.

oh well.