when life gives you lemons, google them, too.

the joy of googling is that you can pretty much google everything, though sometimes the answers you find are not really answers you want or need, but at least, there is something. i often panic when i fail to google something, like a word that does not exist, or a story that i have heard, but it is not on the internet. i think i am kind of obsessed with google, eventually i will have to quit, but not just yet. it is so helpful, especially at work, and at many other earthly things. it kind of makes me smarter, and faster, as long as you are curious enough, it will give you some clues. 

today i googled "how to stop obsession", "how to cure depression" and "how to stop worrying." i am so pathetic. but finally i am able to laugh at myself. it is just one phrase, you have been through worse, and there is no way you can't deal with it now. to a certain extent it must be sort of mental, i wonder if i am the only one around loaded with worries about the many maybes ahead. 

have you ever felt that you are stuck in a life you don't know how to continue? you want to stay pretty and young but you know you will grow old and fade away. you want to establish love and relationship with people but you know they will die, and you will, too. you want to live but you know sometimes the most unexpected misery happens when you think you are enjoying life at its best. sometimes i lose all interest to move even because it seems quite pointless at one point. (but of course you have to move on. there must be some meaning in it all.)

i have this "suddenly i am there" trick, which is sometimes good, and sometimes bad. it's a great comfort when i am dreaming of something, or counting down to something good, or getting over miserable moments. i know surly that suddenly i will be at another moment, somewhere else, but, what is bad about it is, i may be 48-year-old already the next time i pay attention and check and write my way back.

maybe it's time to try learning a new language again. at least i am blessed in the sense that i am curious and always keen on the idea of learning something (usually things that i suck at or things that are not useful though.)