when he is not around...

i don't remember how it was like when he was not around.
how did i survive last year,
and the year before?
i have no idea now.

i read books, tried to learn a new language, played the piano,
played guitar with my little sister,
i wrote a lot, i even started drawing...

i hanged out with my friends.
i worked like insane.

oh. but now all my motivation for anything else has disappeared.
maybe it's because of my sick stomach,
maybe it's because it's only the first week.

maybe it's because i am having my period,
which is usually incredibly depressing.

but maybe the truth is
the 6 months without time difference
and the day to day conversation
have made him my best friend.
the time we spent together, happy, sad or sick,
the trust and safety,
have made him my family.

he is more than a lover now.
"boyfriend" seems too shallow a word.

i feel like i have lived a life i never lived.
very uncanny it is.