the ice-cream van

i don't know where this weakness is coming from, it attacks me from all directions and from everywhere. it is merely a flu, or actually, just a sore throat and headache, why am i so affected?

i want to cry any minute now. and the ice cream van is happily singing outside. i can't even cheer myself up with a vanilla ice cream because of this sickness.

maybe i fear. every departure leaves in me some fear. i am afraid of giving my heart out and seeing it crushed. i want to be strong and independent but i have forgotten how.

i love him. for this i am doomed. now that he loves me, i fear, for it gives me something to lose.

life is so tiring. is there a happiness that does not come with fear? where is my courage? i was once famous for it.