i thought it could wait until my trip is over. but then of course time never waits. i am sorry. i tried my best. but i couldn't. i failed. for some moments in the past year i thought i could be the architect's wife, live in the house he would one day built, and have his kids. but then i realised that it was only his dream, and not mine.
and he thought that he treated me the best, and maybe i am just one of the greediest persons, but let's think for a moment:
he found me more attractive with my makeup on. he wanted me to dress like other girls. when i told him my dreams he told me to hold, and that i should wait till i am old. a lot of the things that i wanted to do, he found them impossible. he couldn't see why i was always tired and sleepy. he couldn't understand half of the things i have written. he didn't want to discuss politics, economics or religions. and nothing about art, literature or languages. he was always talking about other people when we were together. and most of the things i told him, he couldn't remember. we couldn't even cook a meal happily together.
i found myself stuck in a future i didn't want. on the outside everything looked perfect, but on the inside i could feel it all wrong. there was not a window for my soul. and slowly i have become quiet. i could not even write the way i used to.
it was not his fault, but mine. i was too weak. i have to come this far to know my heart. there is something that i really want, which i am sure i will never have. but that's ok. it's good enough to live without what i don't want.
i am truly sorry. i really did try my best. thanks for having loved me. what went wrong was that we have never really deserved each other.
當然我知道自己沒有做到最好，
回覆刪除亦沒有能力做到最好，
到最後還是留給您這麼多的壞印象，
對不起，原諒我一年來的愚蠢，不積極。
希望總會有些開心快樂回憶。
即使我已預備好這分手的結果，
但我沒有您想像中的灑脫、理性，
看完這篇文章後，
真的很傷心，很傷心。
仿佛對方任何值得欣賞的地方也給抹走得一乾二淨，
然後留下十萬個值得分手的理由。
我寫不出任何您的不是，
到這個時候我都只記得大家愉快的回憶，
難道不能為一段曾經努力過的感情而歌頌嗎？
我真的這麽想。
原來自己也沒有勇氣刪掉手機的短訊。
我真的沒有怪責過您，
亦沒有後悔過讓您去歐洲，
我的心始終無改變，
只希望您得到真正的快樂。