the color of water

sometimes it should be easier to think that love has never happened and it never will be. so it can give the strength to give every piece of it up and move on with a colorless life.

but love, such a grand word, such a grand idea, is everyone ever sings about, paints about, writes about and talks about, it's the purest and yet most feverish inspiration for each beautiful doing.

tell me how to give it up, when 90% of my heart is sure, that it is the love of my life. but then things happen, and life happens, and time happens. if it's another girl's story it may be a simple story. but it's mine,

and my life is ever difficult. and gosh i have no idea why, after having worked so much harder than most people i know, my little wishes are still remote in a realistic sense.

maybe something is never meant to be. i am the only one failing or refusing to realize the truth.

i tried my best to let go. i really did. i am miserable.