courtesy to my quietness

oh i am in heaven

and i am in hell.

a whole week of nearly no sleep, a million tasks on my duty list
and being insanely in love with my boyfriend at the same time

i did not know how i managed.

but finally it's friday.

i am addicted to us, the way we live
and the way things fall fit when we are together.

he bought me a rose

and a ring

and he is taking me to find another ring that fits my finger tonight. the one he got me yesterday was just a symbol, he said, since he knew my finger would be too small for it.

i am thrilled.

and he is here again.

this experience is entirely surreal.

i am overjoyed.

there is as much me in you

as there is as much you in me.

time engraved, your me in you, my you in me.

period pain, nightmares & workplace-phobia

there are plenty of things going on lately, half of them happy, half of them just sad. i wish my period will come tonight, in an hour or so, it has been affecting me for a whole long week already. i thought february would be a short month, why is it so long now? or maybe i will find it short again when my boyfriend is here. oh i can't believe he is coming for my birthday! i have been dreaming of it for how long i do not know, a very long time for sure though.

sometimes i really wonder why people have to be so mean, that when a thing can be solved peacefully and in harmony, i wonder why anyone would rather decide to do it the hard way. i am sure that it does not make anyone feel good hurting people, or does it? how often do you kill a life just because you can? life is supposed to be handled with care, right, yours, mine, even a small ant's life deserves respect.

i miss everyone awfully lot, i feel quite lonely lately, being the latest comer and seemingly the youngest person. i am not good at socializing, indeed, i have no idea how i have made that many friends all my life, but i guess sometimes people just click, and sometimes it doesn't happen that way. i feel that i may lose my friends eventually, for i seldom have time for them, and i feel really bad about that. sometimes i get depressed and wonder why everything has to be so hard-earned, it is really depressing when trying your best is hardly enough. inspire me life, with no harm done, inspire me, please.

but i thought you could survive anywhere as long as you are sincere, hardworking, helpful and nice. i hope i am smart enough, i really hope so. i wish my old man was here, although he might laugh at me for crying over silly little things, he would have patted my hair, and told me to always be farsighted, like he did everyday when i was stressing over my A-level exams, isn't it good to have a dad around, someone strong with a loud voice, whose hands are big and comforting. mom has been sweet as always, but i hate to worry her, as it breaks her heart thinking that i could be happier.

but one thing i know for sure: when my boy is here, i will be the happiest. i look forward to turning 25. i will have to make it a good year, with all my heart and a whole lot of my soul.

我驚到震。

當一個曾經甚麼都企硬，又問多兩句都發脾氣的人，

突然之間完全遷就你，只要你高興他甚麼都肯做，

你真的懷疑你做了甚麼。

spider at the bus stop

tonight i was alone waiting for the bus home, and there i saw a little spider, working its way up and down, weaving a web. aren't you brave little thing, i admire your dignity. little creatures amaze me, the way they find their ways, the way they find one another. i am often amazed by the collective force of a group of ants, the way they come together and move dead bodies, how can they be so good at keeping up with one another's pace? my little brother said it is because they live in a 2D world. i wonder if that's true.

i always keep in mind that respect is a hard-earned thing, that you cannot just walk into a room expecting people to respect you simply for how good you look or how important you seem, because that's nonsense, and most importantly, only the very ignorant and shallow people give away respect like that. thus i will work my hardest, i will give the best of me and squeeze my mind and be the most efficient and the smartest, because i am not only working to earn my salary, i am here to cultivate my being.

that was why i had to leave my comfort zone. i am not going to whine now, as it is important to stick with one's choices. i wanted it and i got it, and now all i have to do is to make it worthwhile.

the same goes for career, and the same goes for love. i wish i were a little braver like that little spider, so time and distance and pretty girls do not dishearten me, so i could cling to my stop and weave my web all over it.

by the way, how often do you kill a life just because you are scared (or just because you can)? snakes are like that, you know, of course most of the time they kill because they are hungry, like us, but you see, they attack fiercely when they are scared. we human beings are not so much different, aren't we.