當時的月亮

不得了。

我日有所思，夜有所夢到一個連夢境和現實都快要分不清的地步。

請宇宙萬物盡其所能讓我可以盡快看得見又碰得到我的丹麥曲奇 ─

我要我們在一起。如獲大恩，感激不盡。

the moon shines through the window onto my bed.

after the party last night, i drew the curtain open and slept under the roundest and brightest moon ever. life has been graceful lately. it is like a long period of hard work and misery starting to get paid off finally. my job in the office is annoying sometimes, i am getting allergic to one particular task, and that task follows me around like an always hungry dog. but life has been well. all these people around me, i love them dearly.

i enjoy having one of my best friends living so near. kayu and i were chilling on the rooftop and there we waved at the mountains opposite to us on which our shadows were projected. i wish we could have it photographed but the cameras in our phones could not manage. *sigh*

it was milo's birthday last saturday night and we were supposed to go see a play, it only turned out that the usher with a voice that everyone in the theater could hear said to us, "your tickets are yesterday's." thus we made a good laugh out of it and hurried away. we spent the night on the green lawn where milo played the ukulele. it was such a lovely night with the silver moon hanging and the last summer breezes chilling. autumn was on its way.

i bought some roses for mom from the flower market yesterday, and on my way home i was thinking how important it was for me to bring her roses whenever i can, considering the fact that this woman basically wants nothing for herself except her children being well, and that every dollar i give to her is automatically spent on me. it simply takes some blooming roses to make her happy. when i was young i hated to carry flowers for her, as i would almost always run into the boys in class and they would tease me for that. (stupid boys.) she has a saying that the more flowers one carries the more loveliness one carries, but of course, it was not enough for the teenage me to get pass the humiliation some teenage boys could give.

but now i don't mind, every time i carry roses with me i feel lovely myself. i am happy that finally i feel good in my own skin, like everything finally fits, and for quite a long time now i don't even need any make-up to help me feel pretty.

why do we blog?

because we always have something to say, but no one is here to talk. we are self-centered, we want long conversations with our thoughts, but not long enough to not get any response. we want people to think - we want people who are interested in our thinking to think. we are tired of failing dialogues with blank minds and nonconstructive gossip exchange.

that's why we blog. we can be a little self-obsessed, but here it is a world that spins around our personal universe. we have opinions on things. we put things into words, one on one and mind to mind.

people like us, those who live on feelings and feed on thinking, are often in desperate need to express themselves. if they could they would do it out loud, loud and clear like mexican crowds, but ideas sink to stillness in quiet hours before they surface and shout.

do you know what it's like constantly running away and afar with your own thoughts? i was told that i complicated things - but indeed, look, here, i simply just think. (that's why we need our brains.)

i am in love with my brain. i only fall in love with brains - the sexiest part of a human being.

i am extremely into decoding stuff

as mythical as the two of us -
the sweetest thoughts in my heated head,
and the slightest touches of our held hands,
perfecting me in its presence.

here comes that smile - the smile
(a girl smiles when she falls in love.)
it grows on my face like beaming bulbs,
and then the rabbits hop their jumpy walks -
delighted steps craft on my waist
creeps the caterpillars crave.

he cast on me a mythical tale,
weakening my limbs, our privileged hiss.
left on my chest his name checked yes,
spelling it mine or nevertheless.

that was just the perfect time and place to do a little dance.

i was buying roses for my mom in the flower market tonight. and there the magical moment arrived, and there i danced a little dance to my own heartbeats, and there i thought i was close to getting a heart attack. (people were looking at me strangely, the girl with 3 bunches of roses and a big smiley.)

now there, it was a moment for which i will spend the rest of my life feeling happy. remember this, cherry rao, remember this.

magical thinking

we need some magical thinking to get us through life. sometimes my thinking becomes too magical when i slow down and take a look at my surroundings it gives me a major shock realising how bad things can actually be. i am often afraid of losing that point of balance. what if i go too far without knowing? what if my thinking carries me away?

but i have only got this one life to test things out. if i succeed i succeed, if i fail i fail. it is just this one life and this one chance and this one shot.

i don't want to have to look back one day and think about all the "what ifs". i want to make sure that i have tried my best, and hard enough, and no matter what happens next it wouldn't be my fault not having succeeded, that it would be merely fate, as i out of all things already did my best.

i give my heart to everything i do, and to everyone i love. even my soul is naked to a certain extent. but there is this little thing - once i lose heart i can hardly bring myself to give again - although i do not lose heart easily, i have this magical rebound power that allows me to go through the same thing more than once (luckily.)

may this magical thinking stay with me. (lately i am mostly inspired by vanessa carlton.)

there is this sickness without a cure.

i am too much, there is too much of me -

there is too much in me. i am overwhelmed

by my own presence, my presence
accompanied by his absence -

but he is almost always here. oh dear,

maybe i am spoiled now. i could take days before

even weeks. maybe a month or two even.

i knew, sort of, i always knew, that there was -

there IS this bond, paths twisted, tangled,
stronger than physical companies.

but now i want, i want and i am wanting still.

i seriously want to be with him.

there is seriously no backbone in me.