hello handsome

i don't remember what the world was like when everywhere i went i seemed to run into someone handsome. the "life is good today, a pretty boy looked my way." kind of strange co-incidence used to happen all the time.

it doesn't happen anymore. maybe it was because i always sort of kept my eyes wide open, until i ran into someone i could love, and then the way i looked at things completely changed.

objectively i can still tell who is handsome, and who is not. but you know how you secretly think he is the most handsome boy in the entire universe. you don't even need to go take a walk around the globe to prove it. you simply know it, and you know it for sure. (and you will say it for sure.) it is almost like "i can't do jude law anymore" if you know what i mean.

this summer has been an awesome one. i am more overloaded than i was, but you see, there is this magical thing love can do to a person - it motivates positivity. i have heard all sort of sayings about how you shouldn't try to seek happiness outside yourself, but seriously, there are always people whose presence make you happy, be them family, friends or a lover. i need these people in my life.

i got a little bit overwhelmed in the past few days. i have been feeling like the universe is finally working its way for me.

i want to open a cafe DESPERATELY much. it is the thing i wake up thinking about everyday, i walk around with this desire squeezing my stomach, i swim in the possibilities of it and smile to myself. i keep picturing it over and over again.

is it one of those moments? you know how people encounter certain moments in life in which they feel like they have to risk starting over to take a risk.

anyways, may the universe empowers me, giving me the power, wisdom, courage and love i need.

it is simply preference

that matters. you have only got one life, so you'd rather live it the way you prefer, instead of filling it up with compromises in order to secure the things that make you look good having. we just have to keep in mind that people talk because talk is cheap. people want to have an opinion on everything as long as they have got the right or the chance to. this is human nature.

mom said that it was important for a couple to be able to cook together. they don't have to cook a lot together, but if they are to, let's say, make a meal together, they should be able to do it in harmony instead of argument, such occasional compatibility indicates whether they fit each other.

is food more about how you eat it than what you eat? if that's so, is cooking more about how you cook it than what you cook?

it warmed my heart when he held a little spoon and asked me to taste the sauce while the spaghetti was nearly done. i could be basically useless in the kitchen, except for pouring him wine and giving him kisses. but my presence was as lovely as his "eloquence" in terms of kitchen tools and ingredients.

maybe he is far. but for some mysterious reasons we are compatible.

the secret in G major

it excited me too much knowing a potential sad song resolved to a happy ending, starting from G minor and ending on a G major chord, all those warm whispers did not just disappear like the lyrics might have otherwise indicated (or the lover did not.)

have you ever experienced a nearly crucial moment in your life in which you almost fell in love but you gathered all your strength and senses to make it not happen?

was that the moment you almost fell in love with me?

i am sleeping a lot again lately, which is a good thing for me physically and emotionally, except that i am waking up to the wrong hours again.

bad, bad situation.

i hope my song is coming to a G major. i cannot take this minor sadness (not so minor) anymore.

this love.

i have grown up in a culture in which i am taught that we are supposed to love our parents simply because of the fact that if it weren't for them we wouldn't have been born.

but i love my mother more than that. if it weren't for her i wouldn't be here, but more importantly, i wouldn't have become who i am now. i realise that although i have been through a lot in my life, i have never for a second been without love. i love that she is ever selfless, loving and considerate, but at the same time so tough at mind. she is such a good-hearted and sweet-natured woman. i love her for all that she has given me, and all that she has had inside her.

i must have done something good in the life i had before.

i am ever thankful for having her, the magical light of my little life.

i can wait but i can't wait.

i hop on the thought that i am with my first many things, if not every. the first that i brought home, the first that made me do all those sweet thingys, and did those things with me, the first that realised many of my fairy-tale like fantasies, and the first that i thrust myself on and trusted enough to have ventures with.

i spent a certain amount of time crawling to that lovesickness. it was a massacre i performed on all those butterflies in my stomach. today i have finally regained my senses and energy and become my old self. it is an everyday thing to me missing someone. for some odd reasons i always have someone to think of and about. the other night it struck me that it has been a long time since i last saw my father, and of course that became the night in which he was terribly missed. at one point you keep being reminded of the fact that there are people whom you can't find a way back to in this lively world among all earthly matters.

i think i always go a bit farther. it is how my life, my personality and my attitudes have been shaped. i heard that many girls have their personalities formed based on their first loves. i did not happen to me that way. i have had my most things formed long before i could say i had been close enough to a boy. my first love (despite the million crushes i had before it) came quite late i must say.

but when he said he liked me i felt like i loved him, i freaked out for the departure before the journey had even started, when he held my hand i was all up for getting married, and when he kissed me i was already thinking about babies. i am always few pages ahead of him. life is too short, i can wait but i can't wait, when he realised that he was in love with me i felt like i had already spent centuries falling for him.

but of course i try to behave more like a normal person who progresses with a reasonable pace, taking things step by step and day to day, trying to say "i like you" instead of "i love you" and making myself promise not to write loveletters and poems and at least not to get them delivered unless enough days have been waited or there happens to be a special occasion.

maybe i truly am odd, i hate having to behave like normal. i was born to feel this much and to act, and to react.

anyways, signs of maturity equal having thought about the consequences before your actions and having thought about your actions in the shoes of the other person/other people involved.

i am afraid of august.

mercury is going to be out of phase from 9-26 august, meaning that the murphy's law of whatever can go wrong will go wrong is going to be in full effect. oh no. when was the last time? just checked. it was 30 march - 23 april. i certainly wasn't in a very good state that month, actually, WE weren't in a good state that month. the time before the last time was 20 august - 12 september, 2010. i reckon it was not a good month either. one of these days keeping a blog or a diary becomes one of the most meaningful things you have done, because with that you are then able to look back and check the date and see what happened and know what to do when similar situations rebound.

i have been learning a new song with luna. my skin is bad again and i need an oakmeal treatment. i hope this time we are for real. i have started writing a novel. i may turn it into a play later. i thank god that i live, and i am living life day to day.

hurray! it is weekends again. :)

無故疼惜你

筋竭力疲 莫非真有命理

(不知道是不是因為人大了就很愛懷舊...)

二零一一年八月三日
香港時間凌晨兩分
我只想說我很愛我的曲奇啊！

天涯到海角 頭髮到呼吸

我容易滿足到一個非常容易滿足的地步
但是從小就知道
一個人的付出不在於他付出的多少
而是在於他付出的比例
我就是愛他不愛也不太懂說花言巧語
但對著我也會努力嘗試

每個人都有多少的虛榮
我的虛榮來自所謂的與眾不同
我不用做最好的或是最壞的
我只想做個特別的女人

我只想我的男人覺得我萬中無一
而他待我也是特別的

這份感覺很獨家地甜蜜又美好。