i have lived a long life combined of extreme good and extreme bad. i do not know how to explain to people why i am how i am now, or why i react to certain things in certain ways. i would spill my heart out if someone would listen.
that is why i keep a blog, maybe this is stupid. but i have things deep-rooted in my heart that i have always wished i can let out. i am the kind of person that when matters of the heart are touched my throat tightens and turns sore. thus most of the time when i am serious, i cannot speak without crying, or i cannot speak at all.
i mind not being the poor working girl because i understand that poverty has nothing to do with dignity. and then i thank god for this talent i get for free. for sure i am not the best in the field, or any field, yet at least i am not bad either, and i am trying still.
life is a choice. i could have turned a blind eye to those i have never met. i might have been able to lead a carefree life now if i have chosen to treat myself better. but then an old lady and her grandchildren would stave and stray. the children would be deprived of their rights to education simply because the world was not fair to begin with. and then there would be no hopes for them in life thereafter. or maybe it is indeed because i knew i somehow would torture myself with guilt if i decided to let them be. many things that i did, people described as a waste of efforts. but nothing that i gave was truly wasted.
maybe i knew how it felt because i knew what it was like when school was about to start and we were smothered by scary numbers about books and fees, living on the edge of going homeless, or circumstances alike. when something bad happened to you, you wouldn't have the heart to see the same happened to others. life to me has been a rather long roller-coaster. some days it was too good, and some days it was hell.
it all goes back to all the little things in a person's life that contribute to the person as how he/she is today. if love is shallow then you would not have been born. every little choice you make in your present time marks a turn in your future. maybe i am dramatic, i certainly worry too much sometimes, for things that may or may not happen to those i love. but maybe if you have encountered a sudden death in your life, or the loss of someone you value more than your own life, you can somehow have a better understanding of why some people are the way they are.
the easiest way to live is to live without the expectation of being understood. your life is your own to be responsible for, and thy self is your own to know and love. if you can, love others, too. and then for many other things, there is really not much you can do. you cannot control what other people think of you, you can at most minimize your existence to a mysterious point. build walls, and let no one sees you. but we somehow always wish we can somehow be found somewhere, by at least one person, no matter how secretive our hiding places are made to be.
just some random thoughts. haven't written anything for myself for quite a long while.
life is a choice. i could have turned a blind eye to those i have never met. i might have been able to lead a carefree life now if i have chosen to treat myself better. but then an old lady and her grandchildren would stave and stray. the children would be deprived of their rights to education simply because the world was not fair to begin with. and then there would be no hopes for them in life thereafter. or maybe it is indeed because i knew i somehow would torture myself with guilt if i decided to let them be. many things that i did, people described as a waste of efforts. but nothing that i gave was truly wasted.
maybe i knew how it felt because i knew what it was like when school was about to start and we were smothered by scary numbers about books and fees, living on the edge of going homeless, or circumstances alike. when something bad happened to you, you wouldn't have the heart to see the same happened to others. life to me has been a rather long roller-coaster. some days it was too good, and some days it was hell.
it all goes back to all the little things in a person's life that contribute to the person as how he/she is today. if love is shallow then you would not have been born. every little choice you make in your present time marks a turn in your future. maybe i am dramatic, i certainly worry too much sometimes, for things that may or may not happen to those i love. but maybe if you have encountered a sudden death in your life, or the loss of someone you value more than your own life, you can somehow have a better understanding of why some people are the way they are.
the easiest way to live is to live without the expectation of being understood. your life is your own to be responsible for, and thy self is your own to know and love. if you can, love others, too. and then for many other things, there is really not much you can do. you cannot control what other people think of you, you can at most minimize your existence to a mysterious point. build walls, and let no one sees you. but we somehow always wish we can somehow be found somewhere, by at least one person, no matter how secretive our hiding places are made to be.
just some random thoughts. haven't written anything for myself for quite a long while.
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