我最愛的丹麥人來了香港大半年，零距離的相處令我們發現很多有趣的文化差異。比方說，香港的打工仔，每次請病假，那怕只是半天，都必須要看醫生拿醫生紙，這件事情在他眼中覺得不可思議，一個社會，竟然可以缺乏信任到這個地步。(註：在丹麥請兩三日假以上才需要醫生紙。)
話說，所有人都知，感冒初起之時，一個人最需要的就是休息。對於小病，醫生除了寫醫生紙，實在沒有甚麼用。看醫生不便宜，負擔不起又沒醫療保險的打工仔，只好帶病上班，一傳十又十傳百，促成一場無休無止的感冒戰。 (我畢業後的第一份工，一日返工來回四句鐘，試過窮到沒錢坐車回家，更何況是付錢看醫生，幸而我當時的老闆很好人，到目前為止我遇到過的老闆都很好人。)
我們明明從來都與細菌共生。從何時開始，細菌可以惡過我們的免疫系統？怪只怪我們有看醫生和吃藥的時間，卻沒有給身體休息和復原的時間，形成了萬劫不復的惡性循環，終於，小病不癒，還拖垮了身子。
2016年11月21日 星期一
last year tomorrow
i lost my sa. it didn't hit me before tonight. suddenly everything came rushing back. overwhelming. i don't know how i lost her and for what -- old age, maybe? suddenly she was not eating. suddenly she was sick. and dying. and suddenly she died. we went all the way from taipo to sai ying pun that day. and she died right before we arrived at the clinic. she probably didn't want to go there. it was my idea. it was a bad idea. we should have stayed home together. all of us. why didn't i think better?
a year went by. things happened. bad things. good things. we moved. and i moved out now. i moved back, staying close to where we used to live. i go home to see mom everyday and i come back here.
the only comfort i have is from thinking that she is now at a better place.
i miss her so, so much.
maybe she is with dad now and they are both happy and free.
a year went by. things happened. bad things. good things. we moved. and i moved out now. i moved back, staying close to where we used to live. i go home to see mom everyday and i come back here.
the only comfort i have is from thinking that she is now at a better place.
i miss her so, so much.
maybe she is with dad now and they are both happy and free.
2016年9月8日 星期四
吃的回憶
近來愛上了為食物拍照，尤其是媽媽煮的每一餐，幾肚餓都好，總之「相機食先」。為甚麼要拍照？為甚麼看到美好的風光、美味的食物、親愛的對象，都總會有一刻想拿起相機拍個照？因為我怕我會忘記。因為我知道日子每天在流逝，過去了的每一分鐘都追不回來。因為我感恩我擁有的，食物消化掉化成回憶，相片留下來就是生命的證據。
你有沒有試過，突然一天，看見一張照片，才記起某件早已忘記了的一件開心／重要事？你有沒有試過，失去了一位親人或朋友，掛念得不得了，但想來想去都再想不起關於這個人的一個小細節？而偏偏你連一張照片都沒有。
從前拍照相對地貴，菲林一卷幾十塊錢，用完要去沖曬又是幾十塊錢，還要用上時間，曬出來不同尺寸又是不同收費...... 現在有了數碼相機、手機，隨時隨地都可以拍照，可能拍了九成都是垃圾，或者永遠不會重覆再看的照片，但要留住某刻的感受或滋味，對於某人某事的回憶，可能就只有那麼一張照片。
更何況，別人眼中的一碗麵，在我眼中是藝術，是色彩和線條，是情感的表達，是歲月的精華，是精神的投入，是愛的表現。
偶然滑一下手機，這些吃的回憶，是我一天下來最珍惜的點滴。
因為我快樂，因為我喜歡，因為我感動，因為我感激
我最親愛的人，我的「吃的回憶」。
2016年7月5日 星期二
i say it over and over again
many times in my heart
and in my head.
my love reincarnates
time after time.
i cannot foresee
what is to become of it
everytime we part
and we part
everytime we meet.
it kills me everytime
but it lives.
i say it over and over again
many times in my heart
and in my head.
2016年2月28日 星期日
decluttering my life
people won't believe how long time it has taken for us to move, even though we are only moving within the same village. it's actually due to the lazy move we had 6 years ago. we simply put everything into boxes and placed all boxes in the balcony and let them be. so, when we finally gathered up enough courage to confront those boxes, we were met with insane beehives. YES. BEEHIVES. they were everywhere. on every box. luckily they weren't active.
the boxes indeed carried so much of my memories. i discovered my diaries written long time ago. letters i wrote to myself. letters and cards people wrote to me. i realized how hardworking i have been in the past 8 years -- so many payslips but the money is long gone.
i had this bad habit of keeping all the bills and tickets and eventually they had piled up so much to take up most of my room. now i am moving to a new place and a much smaller room i must not pile things up again.
today i am 29 years old. when i look back now it's still surprising to see how things happened so quickly in the past. my dad became a part of my memories, sasa, too. and dorothy. when i looked through my stuff i found all those postcards from her when she was travelling in europe.
my 20s is almost gone now. i need to be more aware of my here and now because that's the only thing that counts.
the boxes indeed carried so much of my memories. i discovered my diaries written long time ago. letters i wrote to myself. letters and cards people wrote to me. i realized how hardworking i have been in the past 8 years -- so many payslips but the money is long gone.
i had this bad habit of keeping all the bills and tickets and eventually they had piled up so much to take up most of my room. now i am moving to a new place and a much smaller room i must not pile things up again.
today i am 29 years old. when i look back now it's still surprising to see how things happened so quickly in the past. my dad became a part of my memories, sasa, too. and dorothy. when i looked through my stuff i found all those postcards from her when she was travelling in europe.
my 20s is almost gone now. i need to be more aware of my here and now because that's the only thing that counts.
2016年1月12日 星期二
2015年12月11日 星期五
a part of me has given up.
maybe it's me. you know. maybe i am the reason why i am so awfully alone. maybe i am supposed to be like this. a part of me has given up on making efforts to build bridges. i don't want to connect anymore. i don't need the connection. let it be.
i just need to find a way to get out of this depression and move on with my life. it's about me and my life afterall. it doesn't concern anyone else besides my family. and my family is the reason why i need to be strong.
now that sasa is not here. i keep returning to the same corners where she used to sit or sleep or wander. of course, the apartment is so small. and she was everywhere. she would be next to my bed, near the table, in her room, by the stairs, in the bathroom, on the sofa, outside the kitchen... i miss her so much there is no way to explain this sadness. everytime i think of her it is like someone stabbing right into my heart.
she was always here. and now she is gone for good.
i tried to tell myself that life had to end somewhere anyways but it didn't help. maybe when we are dead we forget about everything and what we have or have not done doesn't matter anymore because we won't know or feel anything about this life anymore.
maybe.
i just need to find a way to get out of this depression and move on with my life. it's about me and my life afterall. it doesn't concern anyone else besides my family. and my family is the reason why i need to be strong.
now that sasa is not here. i keep returning to the same corners where she used to sit or sleep or wander. of course, the apartment is so small. and she was everywhere. she would be next to my bed, near the table, in her room, by the stairs, in the bathroom, on the sofa, outside the kitchen... i miss her so much there is no way to explain this sadness. everytime i think of her it is like someone stabbing right into my heart.
she was always here. and now she is gone for good.
i tried to tell myself that life had to end somewhere anyways but it didn't help. maybe when we are dead we forget about everything and what we have or have not done doesn't matter anymore because we won't know or feel anything about this life anymore.
maybe.
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