certainties

if you care about someone, there are certain things you do;
certain ways you feel; certain questions you ask.

if you don't, then you don't,
and there are certain things you do
when you don't.

incredible pain on my chest

all kinds of possibilities, all kinds of worries.. 

i try not to think. i order my body to recover. 

i wonder, if this could be that, or that, or something else. 

i wish for it to go away. 

when it comes to sickness i am like an old lady. 

i will be my own doctor, if i may. 

the scariest thing is that when something really happens there are actually people on this earth who need me more than i need myself. 

for example, my mother. 

so that's the reason why something must not happen.

sleep now and wake up healthy, please. 

the copywriter

i am a copywriter, translator, proofreader and editor.  when i am working i write for other people, and when i am not working i write for myself.  i cannot live without writing -- it is true either in a realistic sense or an abstract sense.  it earns me my living and fulfills my life purposes in many ways.

at this moment, i feel that this is what i want to do for the rest of my life, even though there are always other things that i want to do at the same time.  i know i am not the best yet, in fact, i am quite certain that i am far from the best still.  but quality is also a by-product of experience, besides hard work and genius, and that takes time to acquire. 

i have so many tasks on my desk that even my colleague got worried.  but when it comes to writing, i enjoy it a great deal.  i wish that i have the time and energy to write all well.

at the end of the day, i love being a copywriter. (and i just want to spell it out.)

this love

is so simple yet so important.

dear as him, my dearest.

be a bigger person

big people become small when they are mean, but small people do not get big when they are mean. so people, no matter how big or small they are, when they are mean they belittle themselves.

i should not care, nor should i fear. i am as small as a small potato. but eventually, i will (and i am sure that i can) become a bigger person by being kind, and by trying to be kinder than necessary.

whatever it is, it only takes some wisdom to overcome. i believe in the power of a good heart, and a good mind.

lose temper, but not faith.

rehearsing on an empty stage

this special emptiness

stands for a part in my play. 

a person long waited

in a story bespoken. 

i have learnt the words by heart, 

and now it's all about

the performance.

生來一尾魚

或一隻兔仔，如果那樣更貼切。總之，請不要逼我去爬樹，其實逼都不要緊，我都只能盡力做，但請保持理性，一尾魚無論多努力都無法像一隻猴子那樣身手敏捷，試著去爬而沒死掉也算是不幸中之大幸。

再者，一尾魚必須靠水去生存，樹上的果實再甜美再飽滿，於我沒用。人生來是各人有各人的功用，各人也是有各人的志向，我心甘情願要當個為別人寫的寫手，將來當個為自己寫的作家，這是我的夢想，也是我努力的方向，更是我一直待在這裡的原因。

年輕如我，猜不透老奸巨滑的諸多陰謀，您可以講，我總是聽，一貫的唯唯諾諾。那麼些那麼多額外的負擔，擔下來了還不是因為我愛造著這關於寫作的夢。如果我有更大的野心，如果我有興趣去挑通眼眉，我就必得先去失真，然後，我就不會是我，我也無法期望自己再寫得出好東西。

作為一條魚，我接受得了別人怪我游泳游不好，我也會費盡心思去進步，因為我極度渴望游得好，游得愈遠愈久愈暢順愈好，那是我生來要做的事情。但我接受不了，一直被催逼著去爬樹，我爬不了，我是沒有那樣的天份，我生來不是為了爬樹，而您也應該要記住，一旦我爬不到爬不好，都不會是我的錯。

因為，生來一尾魚，就是要在文字的汪洋裡逍遙一世。