my hot lemon tea

i think it is silly of me to be upset about something as silly as this, but that was my lemon tea. i have no idea how that whole thing happened. it was simply ridiculous. Y was hungry, and i was, too. so we decided to order afternoon tea, which came with a set, a pork chop bun and a drink. 

so X, who helped us call the restaurant, asked what i wanted to drink, i said hot lemon tea. she said that was not wise, she could make one for me. i said no, i wanted a hot lemon tea. she said no. she said lemon honey then. i said no. i wanted a hot lemon tea. she told me to give K the lemon honey then. i asked if K wanted it. K was busy working. and i felt that it didn't worth the time to fuss around, so i said okay.

but it was not okay. now i think about it. it was my money, i had the right to decide if i wanted to waste it. it was not like i would mind sharing with my colleague. but it was ridiculous how X thought she could control what i should have for my afternoon tea. K didn't even say that she wanted a drink.

X said she would make me a hot lemon tea. i said no. i could make it myself. she said no, and asked me to let her do it. i said no. she asked why. i said i only drank lemon tea made by my mom, restaurants or myself. 

why couldn't i have the hot lemon tea which i actually paid for?

tell me not to be silly, it was just a hot lemon tea. but you see, for some reasons it is in most cases the tea you get with your afternoon tea that perfects your afternoon tea. that was okay if it was my decision not to get it, or if the money for it didn't come from my own pocket.

1. i didn't enjoy fussing over an afternoon tea set. 

2. i didn't enjoy being near anyone who thought they had the right or power to control me.

3. it was my hot lemon tea that i wanted for my afternoon tea!

i am sorry. this is stupid. i am sorry for myself because it almost felt like i was bullied. 

and then i went to a meeting at a cafe after work, i did not want anything at first but there was a minimum charge, so i ended up ordering a hot lemon tea, which i didn't pay for, my friend did, because i did not have any money with me and he was nice.

at last i got what i wanted. but i am upset the whole time.

one weekend on flu, another weekend on period.

why am i living my life this way?

i am incredibly fed up. i want to break free.
i have no idea HOW.

i lie awake at night

for you. and i pray

we cross the deepest oceans,

cargo across the sea and

if you don't believe me, 

just put your hands on me.

i know my heart and it will never change. 

i am not good at remembering things, maybe that's because i rely heavily on writing for things to be remembered. days that i haven't written about feel like days that have never been lived.

these days i write day and night, when i am not writing, i think about writing still.

my boss has approved today all names i gave to the art pieces, and i am very glad. :D

i feel that i am improving each day. i don't know for how long i can stay here, but so far i am trying to make the most out of it, taking every work day as a day to learn new things and fine-tune myself.

i love literature. i think it is the coolest things in the universe. i just hope that more people will get to see the beauty of this heritage of humanity.

瓜與葛

瓜、葛都是蔓生植物，其藤攀隨在別的物體上。

《傻痴痴》的歌詞
有句「我每晚都跟你夢中輕私語」，
看到想起《長恨歌》的「夜半無人私語時」，
中間有套港產靈異片
叫《夜半無人屍語時》。

謝霆鋒有首《玉蝴蝶》
中學的時候，有個同學是hide的fans，
當時氣沖沖告訴我，
謝霆峰學hide玩蝴蝶。
《玉蝴蝶》是中國著名詞牌，
我懷疑是林夕讀得書多，不關hide事，
但原來是謝霆鋒偶爾
看到一種叫「玉蝴蝶」的花。

50年代有《仙樂飄飄處處聞》(The Sound of Music)，
《紫釵記》裡的一句
是「處處仙音飄飄送」。

一個遊園，一個驚夢，
從湯顯祖《牡丹亭》，
到白仙勇，到郭富城。

「雙飛翼」可以是李商隱的《無題》，
也可能只是雞翼，
雞翼都可能「心有靈犀一點通」，
反正炸到金黃都是彩鳳，
一碟兩隻就是「比翼雙飛」。

為何藕斷又絲連？
像一個小秘密，承受無數無知的嘲笑，
賺你一抹會心微笑。

sunday

3pm. sundays are often about sleep when hugo and his brother are not here. 

i spent a whole weekend looking through websites on jewelry writing and copywriting, this job is actually quite cool. only in the creative industry can your random thoughts be put into use and earn you money. i love that idea, saw it from mike catherall's blog. he came to hong kong in 2007 to look for a permanent copywriting job, and ended up in Ogilvy, which is yet another amazing story. what is more fascinating is that after he spent a year in Ogilvy, he went back to Canada to spend a year on writing a book, he ended up publishing his first children book within the timeline he set for himself.

and then i look at myself. i thought i always sort of followed an invisible path, i never knew where i would end up, but the feeling was there to lead me through bricks and blocks. since i was 10 i dreamt of being a writer, and now i am one, at least it is printed on my business card, and i get paid for it every month. the great thing is that it is also about art, a passion that occurred to me when i had the first lecture of fine arts. i simply thought that art was great like a handsome boy, you looked at his bright smile and you felt immediately happy. it was a pleasure on its own. 

i am a jewelry writer, and i work for a jewelry master. it satisfies my passionate being and my big ego.

i have an opinion regarding what my friend's lawyer friend said about the communication of a long distance couple being limited to "updating" each other. if you only "update" each other, it is only because you are not creative enough. instead of "updating", i call that "sharing", and sometimes "surprising". it is difficult being apart, i crave him like hell. but in a way i also think that if you cannot survive the distance, you cannot survive many things that come with life later when you both grow older -- things that are larger than our physical presence, and those things take tougher hearts and a stronger connection to deal with.

in a way it is also about independence, being my own woman, cultivating my spiritual and physical self. 

i hope that he likes what is in the mail. :)

august

the writing month.

there are certain things i know in life.
one of those things is that, when life is bad, write it better.
everything will be well again if you just write on.

but maybe that applies only to those who write.

困獸鬥

我常常都在家裡，放工回家，放假都在家。
沒有甚麼地方特別想去，
想去的地方都太遙遠了，甚至不存在。
最喜歡一家人坐著聊天、開玩笑，
最享受三五知己圍坐喝咖啡、談生活、說理想。

在家的時候，就寫。
寫著寫著，人也高興起來，心亦舒坦了。
天份只有這個，總算能靠這少少的天份，
加上很大的努力，賺兩餐吃。
理想本來就很貴。

捱下去會怎樣呢？
我也無法想像。
都走到這裡，想必也是命中注定。
努力眼前就是了。