what were you thinking when the clock struck twelve?

do you celebrate it because the whole world is doing it? is it because it will make you feel like missing out not taking part? or do you truly believe that the beginning of another year means something important, that it is somehow out of 365 days of a year and 3650 days of a decade, the day that marks a turning point?

or do celebrations only make sense because you are with the ones you love? why do you not celebrate everyday then.

i wish this day does not mean so much because i felt awful. i hope it does not determine my fortune for the rest of my year because i have not had a good start, or even if i had one, i was not able to appreciate it as much as i should and with all my heart. i am so glad that i have got my best friend and my family here with me, at that particular moment in which the whole world screamed for a mixture of reasons of joy, i am sorry though, for how my heart feels when i am alone.

festivals stress me out. but anyways, the dreadful december is gone, now a stressful january awaits. i wonder if every month ahead is just going to make me feel the same. i am so tired, and it takes a robot to be ever-sweet-and-positive.

其實我知道是可一不可再

所以我還是會寫、還是要寫、還是喜歡寫，因為我就只能活這一次，我在我小小的世界裡，用文字推砌我小小的堡壘，傷心的也好，開心的也是，回憶必須好好記載，我堅持為愛上一個人而歡天喜地，也免不了會在承受沉痛打擊的時候收埋自己，因為我本來就是這樣的，日寫夜寫，見得人的、不想見人的，關於我的所有所有，不為娛人，只為悅己，若要全世界的人都身同感受，到底是太自私了。

我覺得愛情也很重要。我相信只有相愛和相信愛的人能夠成就快樂的家，在最艱難的時光裡為對方堅持，到老、到病、到死為止。這不是玩玩下的，不是開了個頭，走不下去，就沒了件事，我也沒有想得太遙遠，只是覺得能夠這樣下去也很不錯了，它的存在就是美好，看不見親不著也碰不到都不礙事，現實的不足就靠想像填充，兩個靈魂的親熱也很親厚，你會為最少的收獲而滿足，因為你的愛情為了愛，不為擁有。(縱使偶然的寂寞令你很想發脾氣。)

我們是為了甚麼去相信甚麼？有些人不相信是因為不知道，看不見就以為不存在，想不到就覺得沒可能，未遇過就相信遇不到。但羅蜜歐愛過茱麗葉，梁山佰也愛過祝英台，牛郎織女，一期一會，情節也許是編造的，但沒有愛的人不能叫愛情動人。

我只是相信：有很多事情有可能發生，是因為在最初最初有人相信它們有發生的可能。

i love my boyfriend.

shh. i think he doesn't know. he thinks i like him. oh but "like" is not big enough to describe how i feel for him, it should take a very stupid me not to love him - and i can't be that stupid.

what tough luck! i have found a treasure, sincerely speaking. :) :) :)

i waited and he came.

this morning i was screaming and jumping when mr. postman came with my x'mas gift, that was probably the first time i ever waited for a postman's arrival so eagerly. the story began with me not having a door bell, when i woke up this morning i climbed off the stairs and checked, there was nothing there, and then i toured around my neighbour's mailboxes, they all seemed pretty empty, so i guess today's mails have not been delivered yet. i came back upstairs and thought i would go wait downstairs until he arrived, since without a door bell he wouldn't leave the package in my mailbox, and i would have to go pick it up later in the post office, and that would mean i could only get it after x'mas. but then i changed my mind, i wrote a note and stuck it on my mailbox, asking the postman to call my number if there was a package to be delivered.

but i missed his call.

when i realised that i missed the call, i cried out loud and called him back, asking him to come back, luckily he hasn't left the village yet, and i ran downstairs. and there he was, like a santa claus he brought over my x'mas gift with the kindest smile. i basically bounced all the way back home.

if you want something, and then you get it, it's never so much a big deal. but if it involves a bit of waiting, along with a bit of wishing, it means so much more when it is finally yours. life is never going to feel better when you walk into a shop with hands full of money, being able to buy whatever you want. the great things in life, they never come easy, but they make all the efforts worthwhile. i was happy like a little girl this morning. :) it was such a nice experience to have, when i waited, and it happened.

helping Adelais

there is a little something i have been doing for nearly a year now. it gives me the workload of a psychology master student, exhausts me on most weekends, and squeezes my brain out at times.

but it is so worth it.

i knew it would be mine.

or maybe i was just wishing too hard that even i got convinced that it had to be mine, like how a repeated rumour eventually becomes true. but after like, a few days of excitment, jumping and hopping around in a "i could not wait" kind of mode, i am starting to stress myself out to an extreme extent, i know not if i really wanted it when i thought i wanted it, i sort of saw it as a turning point of my long-stuck life, i got convinced that it had to be a long-haul dream coming to be realised.

but i am scared. how will i be able to manage? a good start means a good end. i am so scared that it will not start perfectly, that i will not be able to be at my best, that i could not give as much as i could offer.

dear life, please don't rush through me. :(

you ought to be very careful with what you wish for.

the two things that i have wished for, for months, are now close to being realised - at the same time. i feel like if i am not careful enough, it's very likely that i will screw everything up.

if there is another life, i will definitely take better care of my little self.