someday i will own a cozy little shop

above which, on the 2/f it will be a cozy studio flat where i live. i will put up some seats outdoor, like a cafe, for people to do cozy little chats, inside there will be stacks of books on filled shelves, records of old school music, artworks that speak, the smell of coffee and cakes. there will be poetry sharing or writer talks in the evening, when at night there will be bands performing, acrostic, and everyone will be drinking wine, even dancing.

well that is just one cosy little thought.

小偷

我的雙腳總是冷冰冰的。
不過有人縱容我去當個偷體溫的人，
在冬天來到的早晨
說那溫度是我應得的。

這溫熱暫時還隔了半個天涯，
但我的心頭已經暖到肢體再冷都頂得住。

這幾個月來的甜蜜指數爆了燈，
我還是每天都為我們的美好出神。
原來爸爸沒有誇張，
終於有一天，我們都會明白，

有些人真的住得進你的骨子裡。

紅豆

日又掛 夜又掛
這樣長久地廝磨
是否就能夠造就長相廝守的可能？

見不到面，卻依然勁中意。
這是甚麼道理呢？:)

就因為這個人拿了真心來給我回應
連等待都變得這樣心甘情願。


此物最相思。

rehearsed steps on an empty stage

that boy's got my heart in a silver cage.

the more he wants me, the more i want him.
i am always going to want more, it is doomed
like the dazzling stares.

they stare at me while i stare at you.

three beautiful things

1. today i realised i am already one step closer to the life i want, and that my hard work each day is worth so much more than i have imagined. respect is a hard-earned thing and now i am starting to believe that my efforts will not go to waste. :) i only hope that i am good enough for what i want. with all my heart i will persist and then i will succeed!!! (hopefully.)

2. the greatest luxury to me lately (which i finally have time to experience tonight) is to have the energy to dance to MGMT in my own bedroom. (it may sound a bit pathetic but, but, but! i don't care! i have to dance to feel alive!) ohhhh and andrew of MGMT...! <3 :) indie rokkers is the sexiest song.

3. hugo boy came home for dinner tonight, and at one point he screamed "i kiss you!" and then he did, with a big big kiss on my cheek (even with audio effects!) we played the monster game and i kind of enjoyed pretending to be killed by a superhero! it brings back so many of my childhood memories! :) how i love my baby nephews (and thank god that they love me, too!)

tomorrow i will have a lot to do again, but to help me survive i always have the idea of a sweet vacation on my mind. :) :) :)

i can feel him.

strange! but i notice that i can. i tend to know it when he misses me. i guess when two hearts are connected, distance really doesn't matter - except that the waiting can get a bit bitter sometimes.

but the bitterness only enhances the sweetness afterall, i know it because i have been there. :)

i am still doing it because i know we are worth so much more than i can imagine, many of the best moments that happened, they weren't all that imaginable. i cannot count how many times the idea of us took me by surprise.

each time i thought to myself that it would be the best it could be, but i was wrong, it turns out that the best keeps getting better.

i really hope to see him soon! but now that i know it is just a matter of time for us to meet, i am actually beginning to enjoy waiting.

i will wake up happy everyday

if life means waking up to see that face.

i think god is only trying to balance the universe out by making me wait, since it simply and automatically means granting me all the happiness in the world placing him near, and it will not be fair letting someone have that much joy that easily.

(i guess.)

this is how i do not mind, the one thing i truly want, i have it now. it occurs to me that it doesn't matter putting people before me, or taking things upon my shoulders, because i can afford doing so, and all i need to do is to keep going, the universe works things out for you when you worry less about your own fate. (i think.)

at the end of the day i am always thankful and happy, as life is full of grace and beautiful, and with all those lovely people life has placed around me, i really cannot complain. :)

besides all that, MGMT has taken me high tonight. i think i have developed a seriously huge crush on Andrew VanWyngarden. he makes me want to go back to being 14 again and have his name as my e-mail address instead of that nicky from westlife. (i know, ridiculous!) he makes me feel like i can stay up all night dancing to myself. (jarvis cocker did it to me.) he makes me want to have all his pictures printed out and have them covered my room's wall (like what i did with johnny depp's pictures when i was at the dorm.)

i am always a bit too much, everything i do, everyone i love. i know not how to give less, it is always either all or nothing.

once upon a time, this poem by Rod McKuen went through the pieces of my broken heart.

Where will I rediscover you
and will I?
The question sits on all the lips of those
who lie in bed alone. You is/are the name
each of us give to what we love the most
or what we have not, will not know.

And it is almost always that One, absent,
Gone, through circumstance
or happenstance.
Where did I lose you and when? Did it
Happen even as we knew we were
discovering each other that first time.
Was loss a piece of swelling
big as the enlarging heart?

Sweet basil growing greener reaches up
and through the grass like weeds.
Mallards form a rope across the sky
coming from the south in secret.
Cinnamon Teal bring up the rear.

An early thaw has made all canyons
into rivulets.
The daisies saying love me now
or love me not.
If I have thought about you more than
now it must have been some other me
living in a different heartbreak house
surrounded by some other hedge of memory.

I have been to town and back, to Greece
in dreams and in reality. To far shore,
near field, streets between and always I
have sought you out; on yellow days in
yellowed pages, through rages of the mind
and heart. I do not start out on a trip to
corner or beyond without you for you
have never left my head or would be heart.

Where will I come upon you, if I do?
Perhaps in death or life again. When?
Perhaps not ever, what then? I'll give
It another day, a week. Another month.
A lifetime more or less, then I'll give up.