honeycomb lover.

i love you.
you love me.

漫步潘家園

三月的最後一個周末，他為我們找到了五星級的家。兩個流浪的人，走到那裡，家就在那裡。住到那裡，那裡就是家。閒逛以後，我們總是不自覺地向對方說：「let's go home!」其實只是要回到酒店吧了，可是只要陪在對方身邊，甚至不需要適應，已經找到了所謂的安全感和歸屬感。

我連要去那裡都不知道，就上了飛機。一些資料搜集都沒有做過，就出發了。在機場的士站，兩個造夢的人在長龍裡說要等候豪華房車，上了的士，我才知道我們要去的地方叫潘家園。夜深了，司機邊開著車邊釣著魚，兩眼都快要睜不開了，我試著在後座唱歌為他打氣，可是好像沒有用，幸好我們最終安全到步。

酒店對著一個大湖景，湖的對面是一個古色古香的大型公園，要付兩個人仔入場費，入面有很多樹幹被塗上白油的樹，天氣很冷，沒有花開，湖邊停泊著天鵝小船，園內又有石林雕刻，不過我們總是午後才出門，逛了一會兒，天已經黑了。

星期六的下午，我們在周圍閒逛，那是個很安靜的地方，人不多，很多人都濃眉大眼，輪廓深深，說著不似北京話的方言。遠處看見一間小舖，只有一個嬸嬸，穿著白衣，坐在一角，我告訴他說，我好像穿越時空去了另外一個年代的地方，如果我走上前去與人搭訕，我可能只會得到時空錯亂的回答，好像開了一份檔案，入面全部都是亂碼，好像走進了一幅平面的老畫，一直走都走不回本來那個世界。一切都很uncanny。

走著走著，我們去到了一個古董、玉器市場，滿地都是寶，可是我還未懂得看，但珠寶作家在異地偶遇珠寶檔攤，好像是在我最想逃離工作的時候，給了我甚麼啟示，我生平偏偏最相信命中注定這回事。

我問他，為甚麼只要跟他在一起，就算沒有任何計劃，都一樣浪漫呢？他笑著說我總是情話連篇。

我會陪你走，

走最遠的路，

去那裡都好。

不能錯過的

人生中

有些事情是不能錯過的

陪伴家人的時間

錯過了一天

都覺得很多

你知道嗎

你每次離開他們

都冒著一個訣別的險

你可能會覺得我很誇張

如果你有試過

與摰親說了再見之後

原來下輩子才能再會

如果你有試過

一離家 一回家

已經找不回

一直坐在那裡等待的

那些人

今天終於有些時間
又有機會 又有少少能量

親親我親愛的兩位小男孩

小朋友大得很快

一眨眼 人又高了 說話又流利了

幸好 這麼久沒見了 還會親親我

還會讓我親親

還會說喜歡我

還會說大姑姐漂亮

可能你會覺得一天半天

為了工作

沒有辦法

有時真的沒有辦法

但其實

每個下一秒

都不再等同每個上一秒

時間話走就走了

可能你的人生

就只剩下那一天半天

誰又知道呢

人生的難點

就是永遠都得取捨

沒有工作

又怎能生活

沒有錢交租

又怎會有家庭幸福

我只是在用時間換金錢

為了在其他不用換取金錢的時間

能夠好好過生活

我生活不是為了要工作

沒了親人朋友愛人

事業再有成都沒有用

我沒有成就豐功偉業的野心

離居的親愛

親愛在離居。

甜言蜜語，你來我往；

多少個短信，

寄載多少的情思。

其實

如果

可以

我想把一天所發生的

都告訴你。

早上與你吻別才去上班，

下班可以見到你，

高高的身影，

站在公司附近的角落，

接我回家。

真懷念哦，我懷念的 ─

三月的最後一個周末，

二月的第二個星期，

一月的最後一個星期，

七月的第三個星期，

二月的第三個星期。

不知幾時又可以見呢，

不知幾時見了，就不用再分開哩。

思念如影隨形。

oh.

oh. oh.

i love you honey. <3

maybe a flu does not kill me.

but it kills many things.

when you are forced to lie awake staring at the empty ceiling, and wonder if you get at least a little bit of care when you most need it from the people you most need it from.

sure, it is just a flu and i probably will get well tomorrow, when jesus brings me to his resurrection.

but you see. i really feel like i need something now, and if i don't get it, a part of me may die.

it's not like i can ask for it though, since if i do my dignity will die, and i am not even 100% sure if i will get it even if i ask for it.

that's why i said all the things i said.

oh well.

i must have done something to deserve this.

maybe i had too much fun.

sometimes when i feel like i really want to give up, i think about the times when i really should have, and then i realize that i cannot just give up. i have come such a long way to where i am now. everytime i thought it could not get worse, it did. and everytime i thought it could not get better, it did, too. and suddenly something happens. something always happens suddenly. and things turn around. from good to bad, and from bad to good again. it takes a certain amount of stupidity to be a girl like me.

i am not perfect. i am emotional at times. departures affect me. i have tried to be brave and independent, or at least hide my fears, but it does not work all the time.

this is just how hong kong i am.

everytime i get a flu i feel entirely weak. i feel like i am going to die of it and make headlines. it feels like someone is hammering on my head. slam. slam. slam. stop. a naughty elf is digging on my throat. cough, cough, cough. my lungs leap. my stomach aches. my heart, my heart.

i feel weak and lonely, with a thousand chores running on my mind. i have work to be done. time is running out. i miss my old job. it was such an easy job.

因為我是女人

所以我偶然會失心瘋。

忘記時間

有時候，我躺在床上幻想自己

進入一個黑洞裡

一直飄浮

就可以忘記時間

我常常都覺得

我是個可以隨時被取代的人

在這個世界上

找另一個我

或者與我類似的人

並不困難

可是我身邊的所有人

都是獨一無二的

一個都不能少

少一個都不得了

oh.

it took me more than a year to realise that i am not in it alone.

yet today i feel more alone than ever.

i would do almost anything to bring those days of sweetness back.

i don't know why for a few days i was needy then, all of a sudden,

i should have just come up here to write about it

like i usually do.

oh cherry. what have you done?

why can't you keep your feelings to yourself

like most smart girls can?

hi honey

hey honey, yes honey, please honey.

i don't know what to do with myself.

you can be a sweet girl everyday.

but be careful, that if you cannot be like that for one day,

you are in trouble.

if you are young enough and if there is still time for you to make a different choice,

be a tough person instead. keep all your sweetness to yourself.

so when you are sweet to people every once in a while,

they grant you a halo.

i am almost gone.

sometimes when a change is about to take place, you can almost feel it happening. i feel like i am almost gone. i am about to go live in another country, maybe thailand, or india to start with, and i am going to write my days away if i am somehow free to go.

it has always been my dream being a writer, now i am one, it is printed on my business card, and the best part of it is that i write for a genius and an artist. if i were to make another choice i would have made the same decision. no point to regret now. i know how vain i am.

just that i also very much want to lose that identity of a pr assistant which was somehow thrown upon me for reasons i don't know. *sigh* if i wanted to be one, i wouldn't have been here.

maybe it's because i am young and no one understands how a writer works.

sometimes a change is so big that it changes your life.

i would not have been to the many places i have been to

if that change never took place, or if the way it took place

was misplaced. would that be possible?

sometimes i think every step of the way has to mean something,

that we do not circle around for no reason, that

no step is a step of time wasted, as no time wasted is not a step worthwhile.

we were almost gone. we were there. we were not

and we were as much there again as we were not.

you wanted it. you waited and it happened.

you live like a moment collector, collecting moments,

good and beautiful ones.

the idea that you are mine makes me more yours

but how insane it is

to feel so much for the same person

for a time so long.

命那麼短

夢那麼長

蟬 花大半輩子

埋在土裡 成長

在不見天日的塵世下

花上六七年

甚至十三年 十七年

滋養身心

脫殼 成人禮

殼脫 禮成人

有同伴在脫殼中途

遇上了瓶頸

蟬 爬到牠的身上去

慢慢的 刮其垢 磨其光

為了要到樹上去

唱兩個星期的歌 吸引另一半

如果有另一半

就纏綿 就交配

然後 蟬 懷著滿足地死去

以上都有科學根據

只是命那麼短

夢那麼長

如果你用過兩星期愛一個人

或者更多 或者更少

加加減減 我用了兩年多

如果你每次都傾盡全力

又全情投入

jeg lukker mine øjne i beijing,

'cause i'm yours to keep if you want to.